Hell Week

Anyone who has been in a play, been on technical crew, or directed a show, knows the horror that can fall behind that dreaded phrase, "It's Hell Week." The very idea should fill you with dread. Your eyes slowly grow wider as you understand how little sleep you are going to get, particularly if you are a high schooler in two AP classes. Your mind races to remember all those little lines and cues you thought you had down but really didn't. You know suddenly you are going to find a million little things that you wish you had time to tweak about the show. Everyone else will do the same and your life for one week will legitimately be from hell. It helps if you love the show, but by the end of the week you'll probably hate the show. It helps if you love your part but by the end of the week you will wish you had a role that didn't have quite so many lines, or if you don't have a lot of lines you'll wish you had more stage time. This is the reaction I hope you will at least begin to understand when I say those fateful words when I begin my next paragraph. Ready? Go.

It's Hell Week. Though technically we have a scary abbreviated version of Hell Week, because we have a tech rehearsal at the competition location on Wednesday, and we will have shows on Thursday and Friday. So we have two days, one now, to work out all the little kinks and actually block and create the entire ending of the show.

Hooray.

As usual I am sitting in class trying to force myself to work. Technically I need to write up a journal about my week's worth of research by tomorrow at 2:00 but right now I just don't have the attention span. I wasted my life in science today, we sat and "looked at textbooks" that are meant for freshmen because the library wasn't open. It was so tedious that my brain shut down and now I just don't want to do anything, I want to curl up in a ball and stay there until I have to go get into costume at 2.

My costume is incredible though. I was really worried about the dresses because there were...complications. But mine looks awesome. The rest...are passable? Some are really nice. I love my size for the first time in my life though beacuse it meant I got the prettiest dress that floofs (a word I thought I made up but spell check isn't telling me I'm wrong...there goes my originality for the day) and makes me so happy. It's covered in this cute floral pattern and it's legit vintage. It was made in the fifties. I think my life is complete. Now if only I got to keep it...

But. Other than that I'm actually a little worried about this play. Not everyone seems to care as much as maybe...three people seem to care. And it's annoying because I want us to get an ensemble award for our work as this "machine" that moves perfectly in sync, but that takes a lot of work and not everyone is putting in that effort. One girl wasn't even at rehearsal yesterday. (Anyone who is in drama knows that missing a day of Hell Week is basically asking to die.)

Hell Week is one of the most horrific things I go through every year, but I love acting and drama so much that I repeatedly put myself through the stress of having to watch a set be constructed, finish memorizing blocking, learn how to move in a costume that's usually a dress, and then put on four (five) shows in the space of a week.

I don't understand my brain...sometimes I think there's something wrong with me.

The Secret Meanings of Taylor Swift: Hey Stephen

You didn't know this before, but now you do: Taylor Swift songs are actually Stalker Songs. One of the best examples? Her song Hey Stephen, on her album Fearless. It fit perfectly at camp when we wanted to rewrite it into a song all about this lifeguard named Arthur that the ten-year-olds were in love with and followed around all day. Why? Because it's a natural stalker song...if you don't believe me, just look at the lyrics. I will reveal the hidden meaning to you with my pro analysis skills. (Keep in mind I have a year and a half of AP English under my belt.) But before that, let's get some background.

According to the interwebs, which frequently lie but are probably telling me the truth today, Taylor write this song about a singer named Stephen Barker Liles, whom she liked a lot once upon a time. Singer means everyone follows him around, loves him, and he gets lots of fan adoration. Granted Taylor is famous, and his band opened for her once so they definitely know each other. And she showed him the song once it was recorded. But. Um. I don't think he should have been honored - he should have run screaming from the studio. He was used, in the long line of men who have been the subjects of Taylor's songs. My mom once asked me, "How does she have that many guys to write songs about??" She moves around a lot. That's how. Also she writes about other peoples lives as well as her own. (Stalkerrr!)

Taylor's own description of the song runs as follows: "The song is actually about a guy who I had a crush on and never told him, so I wrote everything that I was thinking down in the song instead of telling him."

Now. Let's clarify. Yes, I'm aware that Taylor is capable of writing hit songs and going to number one on the charts just by releasing them. I know she has a huge fan following. And I know I don't have three best selling albums under my belt. I admire her ability to rise up in the world, because not everyone can do that. But I mean, really? If you actually look at the lyrics...yeah. No. Just. No. So don't leave comments saying "I'd like to see you write this many hit songs and get famous!" I will laugh at you for using the expression "get famous", and then I will write a post about how dumb you are, because I don't care! I'm doing this for my entertainment and the education of my readers. Not to say I'm better at being famous than Taylor Swift. (Though, I bet I would be...)

For clarity's sake, the lyrics to the song will be in italics & a color...we'll use pink. And my commentary will be normal.

Hey Stephen 

Hey Stephen, I know looks can be deceiving but I know I saw a light in you
So. Intro to the song. Looks are deceiving - does that mean he doesn't look like someone who she should normally go for? Is he a bad boy type who's dangerous? Or does it just seem that he has no idea who she is at all but she's telling herself that he may love her....? I think that's the case. It looks like he doesn't like her, but she's convincing herself that he might or does. 
As we walked we were talking and I didn't say half the things I wanted to
Alright they know each other. This is better than her not knowing him at all. They've spoken, exchanged words. Clearly the entire time, Taylor was holding back on these proclamations of devotion that she wanted to share with him. She probably just smiled and nodded a lot. And looked cute, Taylor likes looking cute.
Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold
Great! This is the perfect way to express your love to your dream boy! It even comes across a little bit initially as "I love you the mostest!" But um. It's pretty terrifying. Of all the girls who stalk you, follow you, fangirl over you, and say they love you, I am the most persistent! I WIN!!! It's like it's a contest for her, and she has to be the best at everything. Including stalking. Also, tossing rocks at windows has always sounded kind of dangerous to me. What if the rock broke the window? That could cause some problems. I bet Stephen pulled down the shade, closed the curtains, and turned on music to drown out the pebble shower on his window. Or if we're not taking this literally, he's probably hiding somewhere.
Hey Stephen, boy you might have me believing I don't always have to be alone.
That's so lovely and sweet. He might have her believing she doesn't always have to be alone? Because out of the huge group of girls who adore him, she's the one who will stalk him the most, love him the longest, etc. Also she's already convincing herself that they're in love, as we saw from line one. So clearly this belief that she doesn't always have to be alone stems from her delusions about him caring for her. (By the way, Taylor could just lift a finger and have any guy she wanted, she's a country singer who has a huge male fan following for her looks and lyrics.)

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
No, she really can't help it - nor can all the other girls who like him. I didn't know we were judging people on their appearances. My bad.
Can't help I if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Can you say cliché? Kissing in the rain is possibly the most stereotypical moment in a relationship and let me tell you it isn't always all it's cracked up to be. I had an ex once who I wanted to kiss in the rain, and he dropped me off home once but he wouldn't because he couldn't drive even though he was a junior in high school so his mom was watching and it was a super awkward not-really-a-kiss kiss, and I was devastated. Kissing in the rain is overrated and something girls like to dream about when they're building up a non-existant relationship in their heads. 
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
So clearly there's magic here that she's feeling, she pretty much comes right out and says it. But she has to ask him to come and feel it. He doesn't feel the magic. He doesn't like her. There is no plainer way to say it, Taylor. This guy will probably never like you. I hate to be the one to break it to you. And even if he does, given your history with men, you'll probably be over him and on to the next obsession by the time he tells you about it.
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself
This is ridiculous. She can't help it if she won't have feelings for anyone else? Taylor, by the time you released the song and were promoting it you didn't even like the guy anymore because you told him about it and showed it to him. You are not being devoted if you move on from your crush before you even release the song you wrote about him. It's very pointless. Of course you can't help yourself. You're a silly girl writing silly songs.

Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling
So I've got some things to say to you
Yeah why exactly is she holding back this feeling? Because he doesn't like her, she knows it, and she's just being a silly little fangirl. Convincing herself that he'll love her and they'll be together forever and she's just so perfect for him.
I seen it all so I thought but I never seen nobody shine the way you do
Grammar has been thrown out the window for the sake of the song lyrics flowing, I'm sure. I'll excuse it with that because going into grammar right now would take me way too long and I still have this verse and a bridge to cover before I'm done. This might be the first part of the song with some substance. Only a little though. She think she's seen it all? Taylor Swift right now is what, twenty years old? And she was younger when she wrote the song. Awesome, by the time you're twenty you know everything and all your views are shaped and things can't change - or so she thought, until she met this Stephen character. And now she's complimenting him, because she's saying he shines. Yay! This might mean there's some depth to this song!
The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
MY BAD! I thought she was going for substance and reality here but apparently it's still all about the physical appearance. The way he walks and talks and the way he says her name. Not, oh, I don't know, his personality, or his charitable efforts, or his life choices, or his family background. Because singers absolutely love it when people go for them merely because of their appearance. Ask any celeb. That's what they'll say!
Hey Stephen, why are people always leaving
I think you and I should stay the same
This line, honestly, makes absolutely no sense. I don't understand it. It has nothing to do with the rest of the song, she's not even talking about him she's talking about other people. Why are people always leaving? Because reality is teen crushes don't always work out, people change, and grow, and live. And why would she want things to stay the same exactly? If he doesn't know about her feelings and will probably never like her, then I mean...why would she want that to stay the way it is? Yeah. That's what I thought.

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help I if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself
You know how I feel about the chorus at this point. What the heck, Taylor? That's all I have to say. You're making a goose out of yourself with this song. Expressing your love for a person who you're just going to move on from? At least wait until you're in a relationship to write a song about specific people instead of just ideas and stuff.

They're dimming the street lights
So it's nighttime now, we're establishing setting! This is something new! 
You're perfect for me why aren't you here tonight?
Why isn't he there tonight, Taylor? Let's think about this. What have I been saying for the entirety of this song? This is ridiculous. You're a big girl you should know how these things work. Also, at this point he still has no idea how you feel in the first place because you haven't even tried to tell him. So you can't ask why he isn't there... 
I'm waiting alone now so come on and come out and pull me near
Shine, shine, shine
This is sweet, you think to yourself. She just wants him to come out and be with her. Come out of where, his house? Look up at previous line, where she's throwing rocks at his window. Stalker. She's still stalking him, this line clearly implies that she's standing outside of his house waiting for him to notice her, come out, and work his magic. So effective, I applaud your logic.

Hey Stephen I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose
Really? What are they, I'd love to know. So far all I've seen? Reasons why he's better off without you. 
All those other girls, well they're beautiful but would they write a song for you
Well you know what Taylor Swift? I think they might very well write songs for him, they just aren't famous recording artists so they can't get them out there to show him. And maybe some of them aren't beautiful. And maybe some of them have depth and appreciate him for more than the way he walks.

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help I if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself
No. I'm done with this chorus, I hate it so much. Done.

Myself, can't help myself
I can't help myself.   
Dear Taylor, I know you're a stalker, so please don't take this personally...
The reason this guy doesn't like you? You're kind of acting like a freak...

And for the record apparently when she showed him the song he was super flattered and all, because Taylor Swift wrote a song about him. He was probably too busy realizing she's such a "Great Girl" who is now over him that he didn't even notice all the creepy lines. Way to go, guy. Way to go.

Positive Thought

I haven't posted in a couple of days. I've been sick. And also very distracted. I'm not exactly sure what I was distracted with, I just know I've been distracted. And I haven't been sure what to write about, so I asked my friend Dan for some input. After weeding out his inappropriate suggestions, he asked what the heck I write about anyway. I said "How much I hate Twilight, my problems with reality, and my friends' lives."

He suggested I try some positive thinking. So that's what I'm going to do!

Except I was watching really funny youtube videos and commentary on the Bachelor, until my little sister came in to watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Not that I have a problem with that show, it's actually one of the most positive things I could talk about! I just really was enjoying the videos I was watching, animations of lectures and speeches on white board things.

Then I got distracted looking at prom dresses. An hour has passed, and I have gotten nothing accomplished - not post wise, not knitting-wise on the scarf I'm supposed to be making, not life-wise. Just prom dress shopping wise and I haven't even found THE perfect dress yet. Well - I did. It's just $350. Which I don't have to blow on a gown. Though it is Senior Prom, which is the biggest deal until my wedding for formal occasions. (There are Disney bridal gowns. I am totally wearing a Belle dress when I get married.)


I started writing this post last night then got distracted with Donnie Darko.
Now I'm going to go write a post about the Golden Globes & Chris Colfer.