I've decided that I want followers on my blog. Badly. I know it's silly to be like, omg famous on the internet! BUT I would at least like to have people being regular readers. Or pretending to be. I know how it is, follow a blog because it makes you laugh then never read it again.
So I'm having a contest! If you read this blog, and like it at all, follow me! Once I have 25 followers, I will put all of your names into a hat and pick one. And that follower will be contacted and interviewed, and I will write a blog post/story/dramatization about their life, making it super funny and interesting. And if your life is already super funny and interesting? Then I'll just make it weird.
SO if you want in on this story-about-a-reader shiz, follow me! It's easy. Go over to the right, scroll down, and click "Follow this blog." Or look at the top and there'll be a "follow" option. I think. Yay! Do it!
Then go listen to Ben Folds, because his music completes my life. And whatever you do, do not read Twilight.
Showing posts with label Twilight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Twilight. Show all posts
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Baby Love, The Creepy Kind
In the long list of things about this world that I just don't understand, Twilight and its plot and characters consume so many spaces on the list that sometimes I think it deserves its own list, "Things I Don't Understand About Twilight." I could write so many posts about these problems that I just keep finding. My plan is to go through my copies of the books (Yes, I am very embarrassed to say I own them. But in a way you should be proud of me, I read every single one before I passed all my judgments. I actually gave them a chance.) with a highlighter and deface them, marking my favorite "problems" to write about here. Trust me, there will be several posts in the future related to Twilight and the other books in the series and why they freak me out.
But the biggest, most glaring problem is something I cannot ignore any longer. Baby love. In Breaking Dawn, there is a scene where Bella has a half-vampire-half-human baby. (Don't even get me started on the baby itself. First of all, if vampires have no blood, how does Edward even get it up to make the baby??) As soon as the dumb baby is born and named after two mother figures' names smushed together (bet they loved that one), there's this moment where Jacob (the emo werewolf who's been in love with Bella the entire series) all of a sudden realizes that he's IN LOVE WITH RENESMEE, the baby. If you go "aww that's cute!" instead of immediately recoiling in horror, something is seriously wrong with you.
Teenager. In love with Bella. Suddenly in love with Bella's baby. So he's just going to sit around and take care of her like a big brother or father figure until she's a legal adult and then BOOM. Time to be in love! (Though you know, Stephenie Meyer clearly has zero understanding of how to portray love in the first place. Bella and Edward's relationship is completely unrealistic.) This is not cute. This is not clever. This is not romantic. This is terrifying. The fact that she's all but condoning statutory rape? Yeah. That's a big, big problem. I don't care if it's imprinting and there was no other way to keep the plot going and keep Jacob involved since Bella has so blatantly rejected him and he can't stand her now that she's a vampire.
I'm not sure what this says about society. There was no huge outcry against it, mostly because the preteen and teen girls reading the books were probably too occupied with thinking "Renesmee" was a cute name and being happy that Bella's voice sounded like bells and she was magically a vampire with no desire whatsoever to pig out on blood to even notice how wrong this entire concept is. The characters frustrate me so much. THIS IS NOT OKAY. Oh my goodness people, by the time she's eighteen Jacob is going to be like...in his thrirties. Well. Almost thirty I think. I forget how old he is. There is a very large age gap. Now I know the older people get the less this age gap matters, but he's only a year or so younger than Bella - he's old enough to be her father. What the hell, S Meyer.
And aside from the freakishness of the situation, how are they going to explain that to the little Nessy when she gets older? "So darling, I love you and all, but once upon a time I kissed your mother and was madly in love with her." She is going to take that one so well. Though her mother may hate her, I'm not sure how that relationship is going to go. Bella is very unpredictable. And clumsy, don't forget. Remind me to talk about that too.
See? There are already so many things I want to explain more about in this post. But I won't because I'll share them later.
Okay. Now I'm mad at the world for reading these books. Rant over. I'm going to go talk to Alex, stalk Cory Monteith on Twitter, and eat some ice cream. Delay in the morning so I get to sleep in!! And I had a smoothie. Goodness gracious it's been a lovely snow day.
But the biggest, most glaring problem is something I cannot ignore any longer. Baby love. In Breaking Dawn, there is a scene where Bella has a half-vampire-half-human baby. (Don't even get me started on the baby itself. First of all, if vampires have no blood, how does Edward even get it up to make the baby??) As soon as the dumb baby is born and named after two mother figures' names smushed together (bet they loved that one), there's this moment where Jacob (the emo werewolf who's been in love with Bella the entire series) all of a sudden realizes that he's IN LOVE WITH RENESMEE, the baby. If you go "aww that's cute!" instead of immediately recoiling in horror, something is seriously wrong with you.
Teenager. In love with Bella. Suddenly in love with Bella's baby. So he's just going to sit around and take care of her like a big brother or father figure until she's a legal adult and then BOOM. Time to be in love! (Though you know, Stephenie Meyer clearly has zero understanding of how to portray love in the first place. Bella and Edward's relationship is completely unrealistic.) This is not cute. This is not clever. This is not romantic. This is terrifying. The fact that she's all but condoning statutory rape? Yeah. That's a big, big problem. I don't care if it's imprinting and there was no other way to keep the plot going and keep Jacob involved since Bella has so blatantly rejected him and he can't stand her now that she's a vampire.
I'm not sure what this says about society. There was no huge outcry against it, mostly because the preteen and teen girls reading the books were probably too occupied with thinking "Renesmee" was a cute name and being happy that Bella's voice sounded like bells and she was magically a vampire with no desire whatsoever to pig out on blood to even notice how wrong this entire concept is. The characters frustrate me so much. THIS IS NOT OKAY. Oh my goodness people, by the time she's eighteen Jacob is going to be like...in his thrirties. Well. Almost thirty I think. I forget how old he is. There is a very large age gap. Now I know the older people get the less this age gap matters, but he's only a year or so younger than Bella - he's old enough to be her father. What the hell, S Meyer.
And aside from the freakishness of the situation, how are they going to explain that to the little Nessy when she gets older? "So darling, I love you and all, but once upon a time I kissed your mother and was madly in love with her." She is going to take that one so well. Though her mother may hate her, I'm not sure how that relationship is going to go. Bella is very unpredictable. And clumsy, don't forget. Remind me to talk about that too.
See? There are already so many things I want to explain more about in this post. But I won't because I'll share them later.
Okay. Now I'm mad at the world for reading these books. Rant over. I'm going to go talk to Alex, stalk Cory Monteith on Twitter, and eat some ice cream. Delay in the morning so I get to sleep in!! And I had a smoothie. Goodness gracious it's been a lovely snow day.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Yoko Ono Is Following Me On Twitter
I got a twitter the other day. Yeah. Super fun times. I promptly became addicted, and my favorite youtuber actually messaged me back about something. So now I'm going to knit NicePeter a hat. I'm pretty excited. But THEN I followed Yoko Ono because she's one of my favorite people and I admire her so much, just like I follow all my other celebs who I'm obsessed with. AND SHE FOLLOWED ME BACK.
Now. This doesn't mean I'm super special or anything. Yoko has over a million followers, and she's followed back about 400,000 of them. Ish. So I mean it's like i had a bigger than 1 in 3 chance that she'd follow me back. But I just feel so super cool, like. YOKO ONO KNOWS I EXIST.
I just ended the last two paragraphs with capital letters. And all I can smell is Elmer's Glue because my little sister is doing her project on chimpanzees behind me. Using a lot of glue. And as I sit here, I think to myself - wow. My posts are really lame. (Maybe they're not. But. Hear me out on this.) My logic is as follows - Yokoonoisfollowingmeontwitteromgomgomg. This means that someday she might actually read something I tweet. Which could include a link to my blog. Which means Yoko Ono could possibly read my blog someday. In my dreams... She has way more important things to do like her amazing work.
Yet I'm filled with this need to perform...better. What if people actually start reading this?? They're going to judge me for being so condescending when I'm clearly just a silly teenage girl. Like what do I know about the world? Well I know what I want to do and I know what I don't like. (For example, the whole let's love babies thing in Breaking Dawn) So I mean I hope you'll stick around to read more of my random rants about life. And if you want, I can even tell more stories about Joshua working in the hospital. And my friend Lindsey wants me to write about her life, but I don't know if you want to keep hearing about my friends so I might have to spice things up a little. I will write a post turning her life into a soap opera. Complete with terrible dialogue.
....dude. Twilight would make a hilarious soap opera. I might have to write that up too. It actually sounds kinda like a soap opera. Totally unrealistic and over the top? Yeah. (I'm sorry, Alex! I know you love General Hospital!)
AND SEE NOW I'M PARANOID AGAIN. I feel like people who come to read this blog will see the title and my sidebar and my about me page and expect these hilarious awesome posts about Twilight and soap operas and Taylor Swift and my problems with these terrible influences on society. But then I feel guilty about being mean because not everyone shares my opinion. And then I worry that I'm not funny. And then I worry that everyone will go away.
This wouldn't upset me so much but now I feel like there's a chance someone important might read this. (If you're reading this, consider yourself important because I love my readers!! I have sixty-one hits on this blog. This means someone who isn't a friend of mine has actually read this blog and maybe even liked it! That is pretty freaking cool.) I need to write posts that Yoko Ono would be proud to read. Like, hey here's a fan who knows what's up! But how are you supposed to go around impressing Yoko Ono??? She's incredible, she's broken so many boundaries and achieved so much and overcome so much. I have no idea. Suggestions would be lovely, you know.
And then I remember that I'm just Margaret, a girl from a tiny little town in Massachusetts, and Yoko Ono will probably never read my blog. Which is a bit saddening. But. The pressure is off! So now I can go write posts bashing Twilight to my heart's content.
Now. This doesn't mean I'm super special or anything. Yoko has over a million followers, and she's followed back about 400,000 of them. Ish. So I mean it's like i had a bigger than 1 in 3 chance that she'd follow me back. But I just feel so super cool, like. YOKO ONO KNOWS I EXIST.
I just ended the last two paragraphs with capital letters. And all I can smell is Elmer's Glue because my little sister is doing her project on chimpanzees behind me. Using a lot of glue. And as I sit here, I think to myself - wow. My posts are really lame. (Maybe they're not. But. Hear me out on this.) My logic is as follows - Yokoonoisfollowingmeontwitteromgomgomg. This means that someday she might actually read something I tweet. Which could include a link to my blog. Which means Yoko Ono could possibly read my blog someday. In my dreams... She has way more important things to do like her amazing work.
Yet I'm filled with this need to perform...better. What if people actually start reading this?? They're going to judge me for being so condescending when I'm clearly just a silly teenage girl. Like what do I know about the world? Well I know what I want to do and I know what I don't like. (For example, the whole let's love babies thing in Breaking Dawn) So I mean I hope you'll stick around to read more of my random rants about life. And if you want, I can even tell more stories about Joshua working in the hospital. And my friend Lindsey wants me to write about her life, but I don't know if you want to keep hearing about my friends so I might have to spice things up a little. I will write a post turning her life into a soap opera. Complete with terrible dialogue.
....dude. Twilight would make a hilarious soap opera. I might have to write that up too. It actually sounds kinda like a soap opera. Totally unrealistic and over the top? Yeah. (I'm sorry, Alex! I know you love General Hospital!)
AND SEE NOW I'M PARANOID AGAIN. I feel like people who come to read this blog will see the title and my sidebar and my about me page and expect these hilarious awesome posts about Twilight and soap operas and Taylor Swift and my problems with these terrible influences on society. But then I feel guilty about being mean because not everyone shares my opinion. And then I worry that I'm not funny. And then I worry that everyone will go away.
This wouldn't upset me so much but now I feel like there's a chance someone important might read this. (If you're reading this, consider yourself important because I love my readers!! I have sixty-one hits on this blog. This means someone who isn't a friend of mine has actually read this blog and maybe even liked it! That is pretty freaking cool.) I need to write posts that Yoko Ono would be proud to read. Like, hey here's a fan who knows what's up! But how are you supposed to go around impressing Yoko Ono??? She's incredible, she's broken so many boundaries and achieved so much and overcome so much. I have no idea. Suggestions would be lovely, you know.
And then I remember that I'm just Margaret, a girl from a tiny little town in Massachusetts, and Yoko Ono will probably never read my blog. Which is a bit saddening. But. The pressure is off! So now I can go write posts bashing Twilight to my heart's content.
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