1. Diva Scream Off at the end of the Aretha Franklin tribute. Ladies, this is a tribute, not "Listen to meeee!"
2. Christina Aguilera does not forget the words.
3. Aretha reacts...graciously, with a hint of "Oh No You Didn't."
4. I get angry watching the Jennifer Hudson commercial.
5. Train wins an award for Hey Soul Sister, perhaps the most incredible and annoyingly catchy song every to exist.
6. Lady Gaga acts like every other artist instead of doing something new and original - maybe it was to match her "new and original" song?
7. I realize I am not being mean or snarky enough in my comments.
8. Blake Shelton announces his fiance, Miranda Lambert, in a far too cute and cuddly and scripted moment that could have been perfect.
9. I do not know who Lenny Kravitz is. I fail.
10. Muse has super cool screen effects.
11. I debate the Best New Artist nominees with my brother. Could I be having sympathy for JBiebz? Shoot me now.
12. I discover Janelle Manae. And I actually really like her.
13. She crowd surfs and loses cool points.
14. Miranda Lambert wins an award she completely deserves, but doesn't mention her fiance in her speech. That's payback.
15. We relive the "memorable" meeting of Justin Bieber and Usher.
16. Justin Bieber sings with his mentor, Usher. And I don't understand a bit of it.
17. Lady Gaga beats Justin Bieber, and all is right with the world.
18. Lady Antebellum: Tight Pants. The entire group is in skinny jeans. I have mixed feelings about this.
19. Miley Cyrus is deemed deserving of a moment on stage with the members of Kings of Leon. At least she 20. didn't come onstage with Justin Bieber - the teenagers wouldn't have been able to handle themselves.
21. Cee Lo Green is once again censored, and people are making more jokes about "Forget" instead of an F-bomb.
22. Gwyneth Paltrow and Cee Lo Green together? Oh boy. Didn't he...not like her song on Glee?
23. Cee Lo Green beats out Lady Gaga for Best Costume of the Night.
24. He also wins for Best Puppets.
25. Michael Jackson's music unites us, according to the Wii.
26. Neil Patrick Harris announce stuff. This is memorable because NPH is amazing. And he makes awkward comments.
27. Katy Perry demonstrates the meaning of juxtaposition! Song about eventually finding someone but not yet - and wedding clips! Yay! It was another attempt to be sweet and corny - the second of the night. Will we get a good one? Who knows.
28. I need a second bullet to go...wtf.
29. Katy Perry was not very good live.
30. So far the best singers have been country/indie/folk. Norah Jones, Keith Urban, Miranda Lambert, I am so sensing a theme here.
31. Cee Lo Green should have been song of the year, but. But. Oh well.
32. I'm learning so many things from the commercials - Survivor is still on TV? What?
33. Seth Rogen will always be the funniest guy ever.
34. People are still talking about Miley smoking? hahaha.
35. Rhianna got dressed in the dark then walked into a giant rotating fan. Or got attacked by a swarm of birds.
36. Adam Levine should probably not be playing piano for Rhianna he should be singing.
37. Rhianna's hair actually catches on fire! She asked for it...
38. The camera guy is like falling over trying to get this shot...
39. Eminem is always badass. Always.
40. I don't understand why I love this song, the message is so bad. But I love it.
41. All of Eminem's songs continue to sound the same. And no matter how badass he is, they will always sound exactly the same.
42. Eminem thinks he's black, once again.
43. Jewel pretends to be a country singer, as well as pretty. She is neither.
44. Best New Artist goes to.....Esperanza Spaulding!! Thank goodness, someone actually talented instead of Justin Bieber. Though I would have been happy with either Mumford & Sons or Florence & the Machine winning.
45. I realize I am the only person in the universe who has actually heard of Esperanza Spaulding.
46. Matthew Morrison pretends to be super fly. He manages to sound stupid. As usual.
47. There is a long speech that no one will remember tomorrow.
48. We remember passed musicians. Once again, something not everyone will remember. The quality of this montage will go down so much in like fifty years when people like Bieber and Miley start dying.
49. The list is so long it needs two "moments"
50. I wait with baited breath for Kesha to crash the stage while Mick Jagger sings.
51. I get very tired when I stay up this late.
52. I debate going to bed now and skipping the rest of the show.
53. I make the hard choice to stay up.
54. Who is he announcing...?
55. I LOVE BARBRA STREISAND. I take a minute to do a dance of happiness, and I'm glad I stayed up.
56. Alex's twitter feed informs me that Adam Lambert is not performing. This dims my happiness a little.
57. My arms hurt, and I realize that it is soon time for me to depart to bed.
58. The Grammy Awards performs a truly atrocious crime - putting Nicki Minaj on stage right after the incredible Ms. Streisand. What the hell?
59. She talks. My brain dies.
60. Literally, I can feel the brain cells going as we speak.
61. Is that a symbol of the Deathly Hallows I see Eminem wearing? No, it isn't. But I got excited for a minute.
62. I get excited because Nicki Minaj is done talking. Forever? Please? She can also stop trying to be Lady Gaga. Seriously.
63. Eminem is still so badass.
64. I take a moment to question: What happened to the distribution of most of these awards? They're done off-air. There are too many songs. Cut the medleys.
65. I forgot Puff Daddy existed. And apparently he can't talk.
66. This show keeps getting longer, and they let Rhianna sing again??? What the hell is she wearing, too?
67. Rhianna looks like she got vagazzled. Or however you spell that.
68. Twitter informs me that I'm really dumb, because Puff Daddy and P-Diddy are the same person. I didn't forget he existed I just forgot his second name.
69. JLo and Marc Anthony actually look cute up there. Third time's the charm. I'm getting the "Let's look like you're not stoned" vibe.
70. "(The song otherwise known as "Forget You")"
71. Lady Antebellum wins....again. I still think it shoulda gone to Cee Lo.
72. It isn't even that good, it's a booty call song.
73. I realize it is after 11 and the show is still not over. I get pissed.
74. I wonder who will still be reading this?
75. Somewhere in the audience, someone with epilepsy dies. Somewhere in the United States, everyone watching the Grammys with epilepsy falls on the floor thrashing. Arcade Fire.
76. I decide to go to bed and stop updating the blog until tomorrow.
77. I dance.
78. I am distracted by people screaming and running on the TV commercial.
79. Simon Baker is a cutie patootie.
80. FINALLY. Album of the Year. Finally. Time to go to bed.
81. Epileptics everywhere are pissed off.
82. Goodnight, blog! I love you if you're reading this. <3 Leave a comment and I'll write something special about you tomorrow.
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