Hell Week

Anyone who has been in a play, been on technical crew, or directed a show, knows the horror that can fall behind that dreaded phrase, "It's Hell Week." The very idea should fill you with dread. Your eyes slowly grow wider as you understand how little sleep you are going to get, particularly if you are a high schooler in two AP classes. Your mind races to remember all those little lines and cues you thought you had down but really didn't. You know suddenly you are going to find a million little things that you wish you had time to tweak about the show. Everyone else will do the same and your life for one week will legitimately be from hell. It helps if you love the show, but by the end of the week you'll probably hate the show. It helps if you love your part but by the end of the week you will wish you had a role that didn't have quite so many lines, or if you don't have a lot of lines you'll wish you had more stage time. This is the reaction I hope you will at least begin to understand when I say those fateful words when I begin my next paragraph. Ready? Go.

It's Hell Week. Though technically we have a scary abbreviated version of Hell Week, because we have a tech rehearsal at the competition location on Wednesday, and we will have shows on Thursday and Friday. So we have two days, one now, to work out all the little kinks and actually block and create the entire ending of the show.

Hooray.

As usual I am sitting in class trying to force myself to work. Technically I need to write up a journal about my week's worth of research by tomorrow at 2:00 but right now I just don't have the attention span. I wasted my life in science today, we sat and "looked at textbooks" that are meant for freshmen because the library wasn't open. It was so tedious that my brain shut down and now I just don't want to do anything, I want to curl up in a ball and stay there until I have to go get into costume at 2.

My costume is incredible though. I was really worried about the dresses because there were...complications. But mine looks awesome. The rest...are passable? Some are really nice. I love my size for the first time in my life though beacuse it meant I got the prettiest dress that floofs (a word I thought I made up but spell check isn't telling me I'm wrong...there goes my originality for the day) and makes me so happy. It's covered in this cute floral pattern and it's legit vintage. It was made in the fifties. I think my life is complete. Now if only I got to keep it...

But. Other than that I'm actually a little worried about this play. Not everyone seems to care as much as maybe...three people seem to care. And it's annoying because I want us to get an ensemble award for our work as this "machine" that moves perfectly in sync, but that takes a lot of work and not everyone is putting in that effort. One girl wasn't even at rehearsal yesterday. (Anyone who is in drama knows that missing a day of Hell Week is basically asking to die.)

Hell Week is one of the most horrific things I go through every year, but I love acting and drama so much that I repeatedly put myself through the stress of having to watch a set be constructed, finish memorizing blocking, learn how to move in a costume that's usually a dress, and then put on four (five) shows in the space of a week.

I don't understand my brain...sometimes I think there's something wrong with me.

Waking Up

So you may have noticed my brilliant plan to write posts to go up for each day I was gone didn't happen. That's because I didn't have time to write them before I had to get on a plane to go to NEW ORLEANS for a week of service.

I wrote a couple blog posts on our trip blog while I was down there, and I would post them for you but they're not comedic at all they're actually very serious, so I doubt many of you would be very interested. Though if I'm wrong, you can go ahead and ask for the posts and I'll put them up for you or send them to you or whatever. My mother liked them, so I mean that has to count for something, right?

But. Now I am home, and while I don't expect everyone to understand how glorious and incredible digging up stumps, picking up broken glass, making compost piles, digging holes in the ground, sorting food, carrying boxes, and scraping and painting houses can be, but let me tell you I think I've come home a completely different person. I have a new appreciation for just how strong the world can be.

I think I'm going to throw myself back into daily blog posts, and I also have some super exciting news!

I got an email from this great woman named Ann Marie in my inbox while I was away, and reading it led me to some epic new information - I'm going to be writing for The Catalyst, an online magazine (ish?) run by Sunshine Rebel Records and Cassidy Haley (who you NEED to know about RIGHT now) after they revamp.

I'm really excited for everything I'm going to get going in the next few months, but right now I have a ton of homework to do.

Going to New Orleans?! What!?!?

So guess what guys??? I'm leaving to go to New Orleans at 2:15 today! A group of students from my school is going to go down to do service work and help doing restoration work, which super excites me. But that means I'll be away from the Blog-world for 8 ish days. Oh no, you say, what will I do without your hilarious and uplifting blog posts?

Well I have the answer - never fear! For the time I am gone, I'm going to set up as many posts to put up automatically (because you can do that on Wordpress) as I can! Which means whatever I have time to write during English class (because I'm done the notecards) and Senior Project (when I'm done my journal). So I'm not honestly sure how many I'll do but I'm just going to pick a topic and write about it.

So when posts start showing up on my blog, don't be like OHMYGOD she's HERE! Because I'm not. I'm definitely in New Orleans doing super awesome service work. You just think I'm here because I'm super. Sneaky. You know it.

So until next Friday, ttfn, ta ta for now!!

Memorable Grammy Moments

1. Diva Scream Off at the end of the Aretha Franklin tribute. Ladies, this is a tribute, not "Listen to meeee!"
2. Christina Aguilera does not forget the words.
3. Aretha reacts...graciously, with a hint of "Oh No You Didn't."
4. I get angry watching the Jennifer Hudson commercial.
5. Train wins an award for Hey Soul Sister, perhaps the most incredible and annoyingly catchy song every to exist.
6. Lady Gaga acts like every other artist instead of doing something new and original - maybe it was to match her "new and original" song?
7. I realize I am not being mean or snarky enough in my comments.
8. Blake Shelton announces his fiance, Miranda Lambert, in a far too cute and cuddly and scripted moment that could have been perfect.
9. I do not know who Lenny Kravitz is. I fail.
10. Muse has super cool screen effects.
11. I debate the Best New Artist nominees with my brother. Could I be having sympathy for JBiebz? Shoot me now.
12. I discover Janelle Manae. And I actually really like her.
13. She crowd surfs and loses cool points.
14. Miranda Lambert wins an award she completely deserves, but doesn't mention her fiance in her speech. That's payback.
15. We relive the "memorable" meeting of Justin Bieber and Usher. 
16. Justin Bieber sings with his mentor, Usher. And I don't understand a bit of it.
17. Lady Gaga beats Justin Bieber, and all is right with the world.
18. Lady Antebellum: Tight Pants. The entire group is in skinny jeans. I have mixed feelings about this.
19. Miley Cyrus is deemed deserving of a moment on stage with the members of Kings of Leon. At least she 20. didn't come onstage with Justin Bieber - the teenagers wouldn't have been able to handle themselves.
21. Cee Lo Green is once again censored, and people are making more jokes about "Forget" instead of an F-bomb.
22. Gwyneth Paltrow and Cee Lo Green together? Oh boy. Didn't he...not like her song on Glee?
23. Cee Lo Green beats out Lady Gaga for Best Costume of the Night.
24. He also wins for Best Puppets.
25. Michael Jackson's music unites us, according to the Wii.
26. Neil Patrick Harris announce stuff. This is memorable because NPH is amazing. And he makes awkward comments.
27. Katy Perry demonstrates the meaning of juxtaposition! Song about eventually finding someone but not yet - and wedding clips! Yay! It was another attempt to be sweet and corny - the second of the night. Will we get a good one? Who knows.
28. I need a second bullet to go...wtf.
29. Katy Perry was not very good live.
30. So far the best singers have been country/indie/folk. Norah Jones, Keith Urban, Miranda Lambert, I am so sensing a theme here.
31. Cee Lo Green should have been song of the year, but. But. Oh well.
32. I'm learning so many things from the commercials - Survivor is still on TV? What?
33. Seth Rogen will always be the funniest guy ever.
34. People are still talking about Miley smoking? hahaha.
35. Rhianna got dressed in the dark then walked into a giant rotating fan. Or got attacked by a swarm of birds.
36. Adam Levine should probably not be playing piano for Rhianna he should be singing.
37. Rhianna's hair actually catches on fire! She asked for it...
38. The camera guy is like falling over trying to get this shot...
39. Eminem is always badass. Always.
40. I don't understand why I love this song, the message is so bad. But I love it.
41. All of Eminem's songs continue to sound the same. And no matter how badass he is, they will always sound exactly the same.
42. Eminem thinks he's black, once again.
43. Jewel pretends to be a country singer, as well as pretty. She is neither.
44. Best New Artist goes to.....Esperanza Spaulding!! Thank goodness, someone actually talented instead of Justin Bieber. Though I would have been happy with either Mumford & Sons or Florence & the Machine winning.
45. I realize I am the only person in the universe who has actually heard of Esperanza Spaulding.
46. Matthew Morrison pretends to be super fly. He manages to sound stupid. As usual.
47. There is a long speech that no one will remember tomorrow.
48. We remember passed musicians. Once again, something not everyone will remember.  The quality of this montage will go down so much in like fifty years when people like Bieber and Miley start dying.
49. The list is so long it needs two "moments"
50. I wait with baited breath for Kesha to crash the stage while Mick Jagger sings.
51. I get very tired when I stay up this late.
52. I debate going to bed now and skipping the rest of the show.
53. I make  the hard choice to stay up.
54. Who is he announcing...?
55. I LOVE BARBRA STREISAND. I take a minute to do a dance of happiness, and I'm glad I stayed up.
56. Alex's twitter feed informs me that Adam Lambert is not performing. This dims my happiness a little.
57. My arms hurt, and I realize that it is soon time for me to depart to bed.
58. The Grammy Awards performs a truly atrocious crime - putting Nicki Minaj on stage right after the incredible Ms. Streisand. What the hell?
59. She talks. My brain dies.
60. Literally, I can feel the brain cells going as we speak.
61. Is that a symbol of the Deathly Hallows I see Eminem wearing? No, it isn't. But I got excited for a minute.
62. I get excited because Nicki Minaj is done talking. Forever? Please? She can also stop trying to be Lady Gaga. Seriously.
63. Eminem is still so badass.
64. I take a moment to question: What happened to the distribution of most of these awards? They're done off-air. There are too many songs. Cut the medleys.
65. I forgot Puff Daddy existed. And apparently he can't talk.
66. This show keeps getting longer, and they let Rhianna sing again??? What the hell is she wearing, too?
67. Rhianna looks like she got vagazzled. Or however you spell that.
68. Twitter informs me that I'm really dumb, because Puff Daddy and P-Diddy are the same person. I didn't forget he existed I just forgot his second name.
69. JLo and Marc Anthony actually look cute up there. Third time's the charm. I'm getting the "Let's look like you're not stoned" vibe.
70. "(The song otherwise known as "Forget You")"
71. Lady Antebellum wins....again. I still think it shoulda gone to Cee Lo.
72. It isn't even that good, it's a booty call song.
73. I realize it is after 11 and the show is still not over. I get pissed.
74. I wonder who will still be reading this?
75. Somewhere in the audience, someone with epilepsy dies. Somewhere in the United States, everyone watching the Grammys with epilepsy falls on the floor thrashing. Arcade Fire.
76. I decide to go to bed and stop updating the blog until tomorrow.
77. I dance.
78. I am distracted by people screaming and running on the TV commercial.
79. Simon Baker is a cutie patootie. 
80. FINALLY. Album of the Year. Finally. Time to go to bed.
81. Epileptics everywhere are pissed off.
82. Goodnight, blog! I love you if you're reading this. <3 Leave a comment and I'll write something special about you tomorrow.

The Grammy Awards

TONIGHT I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A TREAT! I'm going to be live-updating my post tonight as I watch the Grammy awards and try to do my homework at the same time. You get my opinions on everything, as it happens. I'll update either after awards/performances, or else during commercial breaks. As in, I'll hit publish and re-go-in to edit SO YOU CAN READ!

And may I just start out by saying I love Aretha Franklin to bits, and I have NO idea who LL Cooljay is. Or whatever his name is. But he's complimenting Aretha so it's okay. (Aretha has won eighteen Grammy awards??? HOLY CRAP she's TALENTED.)

And who is the very first singer going to be? AHHH awesome singers!!! I'm super freaking excited. This is going to kick. Ass. Grammy Awards, I love you so. And I hope Christina doesn't mess up the words to the song... She'd better try really hard. Too hard.
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Can I just say I love Florence & the Machine SO much? And I thought she did amazingly with Think. And all of these ladies were great. I think it's really nice that they're paying tribute to Aretha, and that they got amazing artists from all different genres, to really reach everybody. Yay. I think the night is off to a fantastic start. Oh  my goodness. The problem is I'm not going to know or like half of the artists/songs/nominations. So prepare for cynicism and sarcastic wit galore. And HOORAY ARETHA IS ON THE TV!!! <3 She's an amazing woman and I'm so glad she's doing better. Except I'm getting the "Why did you do that" vibe from her. But I mean. She has the right. And it was still sweet. And I'm just excited so I mean, right now I'm just sitting here smiling.

Lady Gaga is coming up next!! Oh my goodness I'm excited. There are so many exciting artists coming up - I can't wait for Lady Gaga, Cee Lo Green, Katy Perry...oh my goodness. Okay. Commercial break, time to update! (Also. If I have to see this "It's a New Day" commercial one more time someone is going to die.)
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Don't Stop Believin is nominated. Oh my god. Glee all the way, go Glee!
Misery - Maroon Five - LOVE MAROON 5. <3
The Only Exception - Paramore. Hate them.Can't stand Hayley Williams or whatever her name is.
Babyfather - Sade. Don't even know who they are. Does anyone know who they are and what they sing?
Hey Soul Sister - Train. LOVE LOVE LOVE.
Oh my god I want three of the five nominees to win.

YAY TRAIN!!!! SO PROUD OF YOU! YOU SO DESERVE THIS! This song gets blasted in the car, turned on all the time, I'm absolutely in love with dancing to it. Yay. Now it'll be played even MORE on the radio! And I love the whole "Thank You Justin Bieber" bit. Except his hair is a mess. Why can't he just shave it like his drummer.

Lady Gaga is going to perform her new song now. Oh my god. I'm kind of excited. I am not so sure how I feel about this song, but I'm still excited. And she's in... a futeristic caterpillar cocoon? Or a space ship? No idea. Space ship I think. I like her outfit though - specially the jacket. What is up with her shoulders? This is very...stream of consciousness. I'm just going to wait and update when I'm done watching the show.

Also I think it's really dumb that people are complaining that this song sounds like Madonna's Express Yourself. So many songs sound like other songs but nobody complains because it isn't Lady Gaga and they're not trying to tear other artists down as much. Gaga is pretty incredible. And the dancing is great. The outfits are pretty cool too, though I'm not so sure my mother approves. She made a face and walked out.

That piano playing was pretty epic. Kinda made me think Phantom of the Opera. Not sure why. ....why did everyone just take their body suits off? They all look naked. And my 11 year old sister is watching this. I'm so confused.

I love Gaga. I'm not so sure I'm totally caught up in her Monster craze, nor do I understand exactly why she does the things she does. For attention maybe? I've been told she created the character of Lady Gaga because they didn't think she'd be famous otherwise. Well. Now she's famous! But I mean. Every time she does anything it's like she has to be more and more extreme and I'm honestly not sure how I feel. Eventually she's got to crash. Not that I'm looking forward to it.
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I'm afraid I'm not being mean enough. This post is like, all squealing so far. So I need to really sit back and look at things from a blogger's perspective. It's going to be interesting. Maybe.
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Blake Shelton! Aww he's announcing Miranda Lambert, that's so cute. And Miranda's song has been nominated of course. Aww. This is just too much cute. A little too much cute. Very corny. I'm not sure how I think the Grammys are going to be. But that song she's singing - it's one of the songs I love that always strikes a note with me. She's incredible, her songs. I remember when she was brand new to the country music scene and my sister loved her. She actually has talent - no effects or crazy anything needed. She's just singing so simply and beautifully and honestly. Now if only someone else had announced her. (Though...okay...it was cute. And I'm absolutely a sucker for cute things. It felt a little...abbreviated though.)
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I feel like a bad person for not knowing who this guy is who's won four Grammy awards. Lenny Kravitz - but it's okay because he's announcing Muse, who I do know. And this will be interesting. I like them.

I love the way the stage is set up, and the way the dancers are working. And that screen is so cool. See, the fun thing about the Grammy awards is that not only do you get to see crazy people, but you get to see some pretty cool staging and stuff. I'm not sure how I feel about the violence/fight/dancing on the stage. But it's kind of cool. Like. Very modern and interpretive. I think. What's up with the bank? Clearly I do not understand what this song is about - what do fighting duos and banks have to do with each other? Who will be victorious, Egypt? (They so were.)
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Okay so my brother and I are having a discussion about Justin Bieber being nominated for Best New Artist - and I don't know what I think. I mean, I know he came from nothing to being an international superstar. Which is impressive. And not everyone can do that. But little bro's favorite band (more musically talented) Mumford & Sons is also nominated, and I understand what he's saying when he says he expects M&S to win, but honestly I kinda figure JBiebz will. Just because he's...THE it thing right now. Though I am not sure even how I feel about THAT....life is complicated when stars are involved.
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Oh no. What's going on right now, who's singing? This is going to be interesting. I love Bruno Mars. Though that whole cocaine thing - really? Everyone's making a huge stink. We'll save my drug rants for later. This trio sounds like it could be interesting. Though the second "medley" of the night? (Even though it's already a song that two of them sing together) I'm really hesitant. It just feels...idk. Like they're trying to smush so many people into this show at once. And the lady is barely singing, I already forget her name....

But I like how they're splitting up the three. And Bruno Mars will never stop impressing me, he's so diverse and incredible.And I actually really like this Janelle girl's outfit. Her hair? A little too much like Nicki Minaj for my liking. Who I can't stand. But I like the way they're singing their songs - the style is so dated, and it sounds really cool. And oh my god she's crowd surfing? What the heck. Who...crowd surfs...at the Grammy awards? Okay that just...no. Nope. No way.
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Zac Brown and Dierks Bentley? Country Music!!! Love it.
Okay. Female country vocal.
Satisfied - Jewel wtf since when does she even sing country music... no way.
The House that Built Me - Miranda Lambert - her performance was incredible.
Swingin' - LeAnn Rimes - Never heard it. But I've heard of LeAnn Rimes.
Temporary Home - Carrie Underwood - Love Carrie, but it's like... this is another house song and I like the other "Home" song better.
I'd Love to be your Last - Gretchen Wilson - She was a fad. She's done.

YES okay Miranda SO deserved to win. She was incredible singing. The song is emotional and wonderful.
Wow so far the Grammys aren't as bad as I thought they were going to be.
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What the heck, why is the meeting of Justin Bieber and Usher memorable?? I don't understand this. I don't really care. I really couldn't care less. I know people who can sing better than him. Who deserve to be famous now.

And this is really, really corny. I can't....no I can't even watch the dialogue between them. That was painfully scripted and very corny. And I don't understand the craze for JBiebz, I really don't. And...wtf is all of this? This song is horrible. The acrobatics are actually really cool - but I can't stand this song. It's the most obnoxious thing ever. And he needs to fix his collar, dammit!

I love the cuts to the proud parents as they watch their daughter sing with Justin Bieber. Yay famous peoples' children getting recording contracts left and right!

I changed my mind. I'm really not liking the Grammys so far. This is just getting annoying. I guess most people like watching Usher and Justin sing together? I didn't. At all. Didn't do it for me. And now I need to do my homework, or else Mumsy will be like AHH TV OFF. No way.

I can't stand Paramore. But I love Piper. So I'm excited for this award.

Best Rock Album:
Emotion and Commotion - Jeff Beck
The Resistance - Muse
Backspacer - Pearl Jam
Mojo - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
La Noise - Neil Young

Yay Muse! Getting to sing and then getting to win! Though I was kind of hoping for Pearl Jam, I have some fond memories singing to their songs, though I used to not know who they are because a long time ago I only ever listened to country music. And I like their speech but it doesn't sound very prepared - I don't think they were expecting to win this... haha. But they got it! Yay!
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I hope Gaga beats Bieber. I don't want Susan Boyle to win....she annoys me.
YAY LADY GAGA!!!! You definitely needed this award. Not like, needed it. But yay you deserved it. Your music is incredible.


Okay this post is going horribly. I'm going to stop updating live and make snarky comments on Twitter instead, and write a "review" of the show tomorrow or later tonight. Because I have to do homework and put pictures online so I can commemorate my amazing Boston trip yesterday.

OHMAHGAWD where have I been?

I HAVE BEEN EVERYWHERE! Dealing with a lot of drama and a lot of homework. The past...what, two and a half, two weeks since I've posted have been absolutely the most hectic time ever. And now I have no readers. Darn. New mission, rebuild reader base.

So what have I actually been up to? I have lost four friends since 2011 started. That's okay though because I had way more than four friends to start with, so it's like, count your losses and move on. I fell for a guy and made it all up in my head (I totally identify with Kurt on this one) and then that crashed. I went to a party that couldn't start for three hours because Ke$ha wasn't there yet. I got so excited for the return of Glee that I screamed. I failed a test. I whipped my hair back and forth. I started new classes. I'm creating a nonprofit organization! (maybe.)

SO I'VE BEEN REALLY BUSY BUT THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS I WANT TO TALK ABOUT.

First. Darren Criss. It annoys me a lot that people are like, totally obsessed with him now that he's on Glee. I've been mad for him since AVPM. All you fakers who think you found him first? YOU are not the REAL fans. A Very Potter Musical pwns everything on the face of this planet. Also I quite enjoy his sunglasses. But I'm not a creeper. I just have a celeb crush is all. And even if celeb crushes never work out he actually seems like a really cool guy.

I may be writing that paragraph just in case Darren sees the tweet in which I said he should go to prom with me, clicks on my twitter, and reads my blog. Never, ever gonna happen. But hey, a girl can dream, right?

Secondly. Everyone needs to shut up about Christina Aguilera messing up the National Anthem. There are WAY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS that could be talked about right now. Like what's going on in Egypt. Or how we've desensitized ourselves to war. Or things like that. She messed up one line. She nailed the rehearsal, we all know she can sing it. She's incredible. So stop with the grief and the "omg I hate her." If you want to complain about anyone, complain about the Black Eyed Peas during the Superbowl halftime show.

Thirdly. I'm going to start blogging daily again. Hopefully you'll enjoy that!

Fourthly. I'm very tired and out of things to say. I'll write you a real post tomorrow, kay? Love you all!

Justin Bieber, you're making this very difficult

Dear Justin Bieber,

You are the first official letter I'm writing on my blog. And you should feel pretty special. Usually my letters are on my Facebook status updates and they're to inanimate objects, days of the week, or the creator of FB himself. And this letter is to express my frustration with you. You're making this post very difficult. I always sit down to blog with a general idea of what I'm going to write about, and my post was going to run something like this:

"Justin Bieber. His music scares me because he's scary. He's what, fifteen? Singing about one less lonely girl and how he was like baby baby baby, and he's in music videos with girls who look about ten years older than he does, and it's just horrific. He also has reduced millions of little girls to screaming messes, including my little sister, and it just does not look healthy. (Go on youtube and look up the three year old crying over him. Hilarious yet upsetting.)"

And I was going to go on like that and talk about how much I don't like your songs, how much your lyrics upset me, how much I can't stand your career and the waterbottle incident made me laugh. But I decided that I was going to look you up first and actually find out more about you before I just wrote a blog post about not liking you, and I wish I hadn't. Because Justin the truth is I actually have to admit I kind of respect you. I still hate your music, I still will never listen to it on the radio, I still will try to get my little sister to take your poster down out of her room.

But you apparently worked really hard to get this career, and it's something you've always wanted, and then boom you were discovered! And then the best part is? Now that you're famous you're actually doing some really good things with your money. I know a lot of celebs do this and I shouldn't sit here all surprised because it's the "in" thing to do right now, but it actually seems like you're really genuine about this and I'm pleasantly surprised to find it impossible to actually hate you as a person.

I'm still not going to endorse your music. I'm actually going to finish this post with a song analysis because I want to show the world that I still don't like your music. But Justin Bieber fans, don't take this personally. Justin, don't you take this personally either. Because you're a cool kid. (I can call you "kid" because I'm eighteen. I'm older than you.) Try writing some songs that have a little more depth to them okay? And you should probably not encourage this whole toddlers in love with you thing, because you're quickly turning into an epidemic. You already are an epidemic, you're a bigger problem than Twilight.

Just kidding that's a lie. Twilight will always be the biggest problem out there. Seriously? Stephenie Meyer is the one who needs the lesson about toddlers not being allowed to date the big kids. See the Baby Love post for more about that.

But Justin... just. Keep being a decent person and I'll keep respecting you. As much as it pains me to admit it.

No hard feelings!
Margaret

PS: It still amuses me that my sister's boyfriend was actually convinced that you were really Justina Bieber, and you were a girl. That will always amuse me. 

Justin Bieber Analysis Time
In keeping with the Taylor Swift analysis, I'm going to make the Bieber lyrics pink and italicized. My analysis will be in normal text. Of course it doesn't help that he sounds like a girl.

Alright let's go

Let’s go where? To the movies? To the mall? Roller skating? Alright tell your mom, she can drive us!

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There’s a lot of repetition here. This is going to be less of an analysis and more of a commentary because there’s really no substance and I honestly don’t feel like responding to every single “One less lonely girl” in the song. It’ll get old really fast. Let me just point out here that Justin Bieber was like… how old, thirteen-ish, when this song came out? And I really don’t think he’s in a position to be singing about one less lonely girl because any girl his age should not be dealing with all of the nonsense about to unfold.

How many "I told you"s and "Start over"s and shoulders have you cried on before?
How many promises? Be honest girl
How many tears you let hit the floor?
How many bags you packed
Just to take them back?
Tell me that how many either "or"s?
Response: What. The. Hell. Preteen girls shouldn’t be dealing with this because they are thirteen years old. This is wrong. You should agree with me on this because you just should. Yes, I had major crushes when I was a silly little girl. But they weren’t serious enough to merit heartbreak and devastation on a legitimate level.

But no more if you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
How is she supposed to know you’re serious, because you’re writing a song about her? As you’d see if you read my post about Taylor Swift, writing songs about someone does not make you legitimate or serious. So. Prove it. (Leaving a treasure hunt for a clearly older girl in a music video doesn’t count either.)

(Oh oh) Saw so many pretty faces before I saw you (you)
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you (I'm coming for you)
You just rhymed “you” with “you” and “you” – and there’s an echo! Clearly this song shows that J Biebz has lots of experience with those pretty faces, so be careful!

(No no) Don't need these other pretty faces like I need you
And when you're mine, in the world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I’m sure you’re totally serious here. Completely. It’s just a little silly. At least you threw in “other” so the girl you’re singing to knows you really mean it when you call her a pretty face. This is exactly what girls like, being appreciated for their faces alone. You’re almost as bad as Taylor Swift.

I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
I don’t know if this song would make me want to let Justin Bieber inside of my world – this chorus is the same things he’s been saying over and over again. This is repetition, this is what I yelled at a kid in my class for the other day. Repetition is a very effective literary device, but not for an entire song. Okay?

Christmas wasn't merry, 14th of February not one of them spent with you
There is more to Christmas than having a boyfriend. And Valentine’s Day is overrated. Now not only are you being creepy, but you’re promoting the superficiality of holidays. Yay America!

How many dinner dates, set dinner plates

And he didn't even touch his food
Maybe he has an eating disorder?

How many torn photographs are you taping back?
So wait she’s taken back these guys who are awful to her? Yeah great. She’s really a keeper if she never learns that the bad guys are the bad guys.

Tell me that you couldn't see an open door
But no more, if you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
I wonder how many of those other guys who hurt this girl made the same promises that Justin Bieber is making right now?

(Oh oh) Saw so many pretty faces before I saw you, (you)
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you (I'm coming for you)
(No no) Don't need these other pretty faces like I need you
And when you're mine in this world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

There’s really nothing here. No substance. This is why I don’t like choruses in songs, they really create problems when I’m trying to analyze and respond. There’s nothing new to deal with here, and since the verse hasn’t changed its tone I can’t even take away some new deeper meaning. And modulation doesn’t count.

I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

I can fix up your broken heart (heart)

It’s so necessary to repeat everything after you say it, isn’t it? Makes it so much more effective.
I can give you a brand new start (start)
Another one? You already told her she has had to many “start over”s.

I can make you believe (ya)
I just wanna set one girl free to fall (free to fall)
One girl free to fall? Sounds like you’re settling, Justin.

She's free to fall (fall in love)
With me
Of course she is but will she? You probably sound just like everyone else. I’ve pointed this out already. I’m really starved for material here.
Her heart's locked and know what I got the key
I'll take her and leave the world with one less lonely
I hate it when in songs the narrative is changed from 2^nd to 3^rd. Now are you talking to a new girl? How is this going to make the first girl feel??? I don’t even get it. Chorus/verse do not sync up.

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
I’m just going to start deleting choruses out of the song they’re really making this difficult.

I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl [x3]
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
Totally going to put her first. That’s all you need to do.

(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
By writing a terrible song about her?

If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl (yeah yea) [x2]
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
We’re done. I have nothing more to say. This is such a boring song.

Only you shawty (haha)

You laugh and say shawty at the end of a song. Urban Dictionary defines “shawty” as a “FINE ASS GIRL” in all capital letters. It’s also said to be a term of endearment, but honestly the only term of endearment coming to mind is the line from that song – Trying to find a word to describe this girl without being disrespectful, but damn who’s a sexy bitch. (Because that is so respectful.)

This is definitely going to make some girl fall in love with you. Look, it already made little girls fall madly in love with you. Good job, Justin Bieber.

Operation: Other Cultures

I've decided that I don't like being an American. I mean it's cool and all, yay free speech, yay Obama, yay terrible singers who become famous just for using auto tune. But really? We're pretty ignorant about the world around us as a whole. You're probably aware of this epidemic if you're reading my blog, especially if you agree with me about things. You know. The things I've been talking about for the last month I've had this blog.

So I'm starting a project. Every month, maybe every two months depending on how much time this takes, I'm going to break the monotony of posts about my life and posts about my problems with America to do an in-depth immersion in the culture of another country. I'm starting with England because I have a friend in England who I want to have something interesting to read in this blog, but then I might start moving on to the other countries I have readers from - notably so far I've seen Canada, Denmark, and the Philippines with more than like 2 views each so I'm hoping it's not just an accident. Or you can tell me what countries you want me to learn about.

This immersion will be done with watching TV episodes from the country, reading their news, figuring out who their celebrities are and checking them out - you know, I'm doing this from a pop culture aspect. I'm determined to find a country with more intellect than the United States.

And I apologize if I'm accidentally dissing any of you guys reading this from the US, you do make up the bulk of my readership (OMG I HAVE A READERSHIP. It's pretty darn awesome. Also small but I love you anyway.) I do trust that you're educating yourself on what is good and what is bad, and I'm not calling you stupid. I'm calling most of the other people out there stupid. There's a difference.

Anyway. I'm officially declaring February to be England Month, and I'll pick March after that. You guys can help, if you come from the country I'm going to be talking about, post here or drop me a line on Twitter @CultureLessons to tell me what I should be checking out! And I'll give you my blatantly honest opinion. You know I will.

I Do Not Want To Clean My Room

So usually Mom bugs me about doing stuff. Sometimes it's homework which I procrastinate on, but more often than not it's to clean my room. I do not want to clean my room, it is messy and I like it that way. Some people don't believe me but truly, I prefer it. There are some other reasons why I don't want to clean my room, and all of them are very valid and normal reasons. Most of you will probably identify with one or the other as you continue to read.

1) I like my room the way it is. I've already said this. I'm comfortable in it, it generally does not hurt me, and we have a very healthy relationship. It wants to be messy. It's not like it's uninhabitable.

2) I know where everything is. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but if I put something on the floor by my dresser, I know when I get back it's still going to be right there on the floor near my dresser. Yes I could put it in my desk drawer but the point is, if I'm going to know where it is anyway it's far more accessible if it's on the floor outside my dresser than it would be hidden inside my desk drawers.

3) It's really fun to take bounding leaps over piles of things to jump into bed.

4) I never sit around in my super comfy chair being lazy - know why? Because my super comfy chair is where my clean laundry stays in nice folded piles until I have time to put it in my dresser. And the back of my super comfy chair is where I keep various sweatshirts/jackets/purses.

5) There is no way the monsters can get out of my closet, because unless I'm going into my closet it remains blocked by heavy boxes full of papers. This is a very important safety precaution.

6) Likewise, if a rapist ever tries to sneak into my room at night, he will fall over piles of books and yarn and break his leg before he gets to me. It's really for my own safety that I leave my room messy...

7) Cleaning takes more time than I have time for. I have a life and lots of things to do. Cleaning my room at this point would take hours, probably days. No thank you.

8) I have some really good opposite feng shui going on here, and changing the cleanliness would mean a major overhaul to make my room full of the "right" energy.

9) Cleaning my room would mean accepting the fact that my mother is "right" when she says it's better clean. Nope. It's better messy. I'm going to hold on to this.

10) If there is a fire, I do have an escape route through my room. I am perfectly capable of navigating and getting out. So don't worry it's not a hazard.

11) It's none of your business or her business if my room is perfectly organized or not.

12) I saw this on a t-shirt once, and after this I don't need any more reasons. Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.

And of course now I'm being told I have to clean my room so I'm being kicked off the computer so I can't write you more reasons why I don't want to clean the room I have to go clean.

This is ridiculous. I'll write you a better post tomorrow.

How To Eat An Oreo Cookie

Going through my writing portfolios from when I was a young elementary school student, I stumbled across a fourth grade essay titled "How To Eat An Oreo Cookie." I read through it and actually distinctly remember writing the piece. It contains rather disgusting and elaborate steps for how to eat an Oreo, involving pulling the cookie apart, putting the pieces in a plastic bag, smushing them all together until it's a crumbled mess, then using milk to turn it into a paste and eating it with a spoon.

I'm not sure what was wrong with me in fourth grade.

Nobody eats an Oreo like that. I don't even eat Oreos like that, I made it up because I wanted to be 'original' and I was quite sure nobody else would write as messed up an essay as that. Clearly because they weren't as creative as me, and not because they were sane.

I've decided that there are several other perfectly acceptable ways to eat an Oreo that will work much better than my previously described method. Please don't try that way, I am not liable for any puking that occurs as a result. I do suggest the new ways, however. They could be very delicious. And yes, each way is very significant - don't try to tell me that an Oreo is an Oreo and it will taste the same no matter how you eat it. This is NOT TRUE. Don't listen to anyone who says so.

How To Eat An Oreo: Method I
(Roman numerals make everything look more official)

1. Remove Oreo cookie from package.
2. Insert cookie into mouth.
3. Take a bite.
4. Chew.
5. Swallow.
6. Repeat steps 2 through 5 until Oreo cookie has been consumed.
7. (Optional) Drink a glass of milk.

How To Eat An Oreo: Method II

1. Remove Oreo cookie from package.
2. Insert entire cookie into mouth.
3. Chew.
4. Swallow.
5. (Optional) Drink a glass of milk.

How To Eat An Oreo: Method III

1. Remove Oreo cookie from package.
2. Pry Oreo cookie into two separate cookie halves.
3. Use your teeth to scrape the filling off of the two halves.
4. (Optional) Eat the two chocolate cookie halves.
5. (If you skipped step 4) Throw the chocolate cookie halves away.
6. (Optional) Drink a glass of milk.

How To Eat An Oreo: Method IV

1. Do not remove Oreo from package. Do not eat Oreo. You are on a diet.
2. (Optional) Drink a glass of milk. 

How To Eat An Oreo: Method V

1. Remove two Oreo cookies from package.
2. Pull the first Oreo cookie apart.
3. Make sure all of the filling stays on one half of the cookie.
4. Throw the other half away.
5. Repeat steps 2-4 with the other cookie.
6. Put the two halves with filling together.
7. Place Oreo cookie in mouth.
8. Bite.
9. Chew.
10. Swallow.
11. Repeat steps 7-10 until Oreo is gone.
12. (Optional) Drink a glass of milk.

Hopefully, one of these methods will strike your fancy! Happy eating! If you have a method I didn't cover, feel free to enlighten me.

Life As We (Don't) Know It

So far leading in the poll on the right side of the page people most want to hear about my life and other peoples' lives. I'm not sure why you want to hear about my life, it's super boring. And I can tell you about other people but it might be very exaggerated and sarcastic. So I'm going to promote that little contest I tried to start a while ago but no one seemed to pay attention to :P First 25 followers on the blog (go over to the right, scroll down, click follow) will get their names thrown into a hat and one will be pulled out. The winner gets interviewed by me and then I will write a post about their life, making it even more over the top and awesome than I'm sure it already is.

To give you an example of what your life could look like, I'm going to humor my friend Linds who's been telling me I should write about her since I started this blog, and dedicate today's blog post to her and her insanity. She's got a bit of a bizarre existence. So bear with me and realize what cool friends I have.

Once upon a time, Lindsey and I hated each other. Well. That's a lie. Lindsey hated me and I was very confused as to why she hated me. Turns out she thought I had a perfect life and was mad at me for being so happy and positive all the time. What a hilarious concept. My life is far from perfect. Anyway we sat at the same lunch table but she wouldn't even talk to me she just...sulked at me. And I was so confused. I didn't understand that my perpetual bouncy optimism could be a bad thing to some people. And she was crazy anyway, but then one day we realized that we had a lot more in common than we thought and started talking. And then all of a sudden we were like best friends. At this point I don't even remember what happened to change things, when we started being friends, or any of that stuff. I just remember her hating me then her not hating me. 

To help you get to know Lindsey, I'm going to throw out some random and partially true facts about her. You can have fun guessing what is real. 

Lindsey loves ducks. She likes them a lot more than normal people do. In fact one of her favorite birthday presents was a sparkly pink duck that her sister gave her. Sometimes I think that she should just marry a duck and then her life will be complete. It's perfectly normal though, don't go thinking she's crazy or anything. She totally isn't. She's totally normal. She just loves ducks.

Lindsey ALSO loves ladybugs. It is really fun to give her a ton of ladybugs and watch her react. She's just so happy to be covered in swarms of them. Trust me. She won't be mad at you, she's not grossed out by them or anything. 

Lindsey decided once upon a time to spell her name Lyndsey instead. I don't know why she changed it back. It confused me very much in middle school because for a while I really wasn't sure how to spell it.

Lindsey likes to date crazy people. After she's done with the crazies, I openly hate them for the rest of their lives.

Lindsey is magical. This can be interpreted many different ways but I guarantee one of your interpretations is going to be correct.

Lindsey believes in unicorns just like I do! (I'm not alone! I knew I wasn't alone!)

Lindsey cannot cook. We tried to cook once and it went horribly, horribly wrong. This has lead to our habit of simply ordering food or myself cooking the food when we hang out. On New Year's Eve we stayed up late and ate Chinese food while we watched dumb and entertaining videos on Youtube. It was much better than us trying to do anything - we "tried" to make brownies and they got really gross and tasted bad. I still don't know what went wrong.

Lindsey is a professional ninja. I'm just kidding, of course. Coz if she were a ninja I wouldn't actually be able to tell you...there's that whole no one knows who are the real ninjas thing. Next time you're on the subway watch out, there could be a ninja watching you. That'd be rather terrifying wouldn't it?

Lindsey eats soap.

Lindsey hates mustard.

Lindsey doesn't like to wait for dumb people. She's the kind of person who will yell at you if you're taking too long to do something. Sometimes it's a little upsetting, especially if you're the person she's yelling at, but you just have to deal with it.

Lindsey is usually right when I ask her for advice about things.

And that is all I have to say for now about Lindsey. She is a very amusing person. If this keyboard worked a little better I would write a "Day In The Life Of" but maybe I'll edit that in later if I have time on the other computer that actually works.

See ya! (If you have questions for Lindsey you can leave them and I'll get them to her. Not that you will, but I mean in case you do.)

The Secret Meanings of Taylor Swift: Hey Stephen

You didn't know this before, but now you do: Taylor Swift songs are actually Stalker Songs. One of the best examples? Her song Hey Stephen, on her album Fearless. It fit perfectly at camp when we wanted to rewrite it into a song all about this lifeguard named Arthur that the ten-year-olds were in love with and followed around all day. Why? Because it's a natural stalker song...if you don't believe me, just look at the lyrics. I will reveal the hidden meaning to you with my pro analysis skills. (Keep in mind I have a year and a half of AP English under my belt.) But before that, let's get some background.

According to the interwebs, which frequently lie but are probably telling me the truth today, Taylor write this song about a singer named Stephen Barker Liles, whom she liked a lot once upon a time. Singer means everyone follows him around, loves him, and he gets lots of fan adoration. Granted Taylor is famous, and his band opened for her once so they definitely know each other. And she showed him the song once it was recorded. But. Um. I don't think he should have been honored - he should have run screaming from the studio. He was used, in the long line of men who have been the subjects of Taylor's songs. My mom once asked me, "How does she have that many guys to write songs about??" She moves around a lot. That's how. Also she writes about other peoples lives as well as her own. (Stalkerrr!)

Taylor's own description of the song runs as follows: "The song is actually about a guy who I had a crush on and never told him, so I wrote everything that I was thinking down in the song instead of telling him."

Now. Let's clarify. Yes, I'm aware that Taylor is capable of writing hit songs and going to number one on the charts just by releasing them. I know she has a huge fan following. And I know I don't have three best selling albums under my belt. I admire her ability to rise up in the world, because not everyone can do that. But I mean, really? If you actually look at the lyrics...yeah. No. Just. No. So don't leave comments saying "I'd like to see you write this many hit songs and get famous!" I will laugh at you for using the expression "get famous", and then I will write a post about how dumb you are, because I don't care! I'm doing this for my entertainment and the education of my readers. Not to say I'm better at being famous than Taylor Swift. (Though, I bet I would be...)

For clarity's sake, the lyrics to the song will be in italics & a color...we'll use pink. And my commentary will be normal.

Hey Stephen 

Hey Stephen, I know looks can be deceiving but I know I saw a light in you
So. Intro to the song. Looks are deceiving - does that mean he doesn't look like someone who she should normally go for? Is he a bad boy type who's dangerous? Or does it just seem that he has no idea who she is at all but she's telling herself that he may love her....? I think that's the case. It looks like he doesn't like her, but she's convincing herself that he might or does. 
As we walked we were talking and I didn't say half the things I wanted to
Alright they know each other. This is better than her not knowing him at all. They've spoken, exchanged words. Clearly the entire time, Taylor was holding back on these proclamations of devotion that she wanted to share with him. She probably just smiled and nodded a lot. And looked cute, Taylor likes looking cute.
Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold
Great! This is the perfect way to express your love to your dream boy! It even comes across a little bit initially as "I love you the mostest!" But um. It's pretty terrifying. Of all the girls who stalk you, follow you, fangirl over you, and say they love you, I am the most persistent! I WIN!!! It's like it's a contest for her, and she has to be the best at everything. Including stalking. Also, tossing rocks at windows has always sounded kind of dangerous to me. What if the rock broke the window? That could cause some problems. I bet Stephen pulled down the shade, closed the curtains, and turned on music to drown out the pebble shower on his window. Or if we're not taking this literally, he's probably hiding somewhere.
Hey Stephen, boy you might have me believing I don't always have to be alone.
That's so lovely and sweet. He might have her believing she doesn't always have to be alone? Because out of the huge group of girls who adore him, she's the one who will stalk him the most, love him the longest, etc. Also she's already convincing herself that they're in love, as we saw from line one. So clearly this belief that she doesn't always have to be alone stems from her delusions about him caring for her. (By the way, Taylor could just lift a finger and have any guy she wanted, she's a country singer who has a huge male fan following for her looks and lyrics.)

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
No, she really can't help it - nor can all the other girls who like him. I didn't know we were judging people on their appearances. My bad.
Can't help I if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Can you say cliché? Kissing in the rain is possibly the most stereotypical moment in a relationship and let me tell you it isn't always all it's cracked up to be. I had an ex once who I wanted to kiss in the rain, and he dropped me off home once but he wouldn't because he couldn't drive even though he was a junior in high school so his mom was watching and it was a super awkward not-really-a-kiss kiss, and I was devastated. Kissing in the rain is overrated and something girls like to dream about when they're building up a non-existant relationship in their heads. 
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
So clearly there's magic here that she's feeling, she pretty much comes right out and says it. But she has to ask him to come and feel it. He doesn't feel the magic. He doesn't like her. There is no plainer way to say it, Taylor. This guy will probably never like you. I hate to be the one to break it to you. And even if he does, given your history with men, you'll probably be over him and on to the next obsession by the time he tells you about it.
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself
This is ridiculous. She can't help it if she won't have feelings for anyone else? Taylor, by the time you released the song and were promoting it you didn't even like the guy anymore because you told him about it and showed it to him. You are not being devoted if you move on from your crush before you even release the song you wrote about him. It's very pointless. Of course you can't help yourself. You're a silly girl writing silly songs.

Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling
So I've got some things to say to you
Yeah why exactly is she holding back this feeling? Because he doesn't like her, she knows it, and she's just being a silly little fangirl. Convincing herself that he'll love her and they'll be together forever and she's just so perfect for him.
I seen it all so I thought but I never seen nobody shine the way you do
Grammar has been thrown out the window for the sake of the song lyrics flowing, I'm sure. I'll excuse it with that because going into grammar right now would take me way too long and I still have this verse and a bridge to cover before I'm done. This might be the first part of the song with some substance. Only a little though. She think she's seen it all? Taylor Swift right now is what, twenty years old? And she was younger when she wrote the song. Awesome, by the time you're twenty you know everything and all your views are shaped and things can't change - or so she thought, until she met this Stephen character. And now she's complimenting him, because she's saying he shines. Yay! This might mean there's some depth to this song!
The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
MY BAD! I thought she was going for substance and reality here but apparently it's still all about the physical appearance. The way he walks and talks and the way he says her name. Not, oh, I don't know, his personality, or his charitable efforts, or his life choices, or his family background. Because singers absolutely love it when people go for them merely because of their appearance. Ask any celeb. That's what they'll say!
Hey Stephen, why are people always leaving
I think you and I should stay the same
This line, honestly, makes absolutely no sense. I don't understand it. It has nothing to do with the rest of the song, she's not even talking about him she's talking about other people. Why are people always leaving? Because reality is teen crushes don't always work out, people change, and grow, and live. And why would she want things to stay the same exactly? If he doesn't know about her feelings and will probably never like her, then I mean...why would she want that to stay the way it is? Yeah. That's what I thought.

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help I if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself
You know how I feel about the chorus at this point. What the heck, Taylor? That's all I have to say. You're making a goose out of yourself with this song. Expressing your love for a person who you're just going to move on from? At least wait until you're in a relationship to write a song about specific people instead of just ideas and stuff.

They're dimming the street lights
So it's nighttime now, we're establishing setting! This is something new! 
You're perfect for me why aren't you here tonight?
Why isn't he there tonight, Taylor? Let's think about this. What have I been saying for the entirety of this song? This is ridiculous. You're a big girl you should know how these things work. Also, at this point he still has no idea how you feel in the first place because you haven't even tried to tell him. So you can't ask why he isn't there... 
I'm waiting alone now so come on and come out and pull me near
Shine, shine, shine
This is sweet, you think to yourself. She just wants him to come out and be with her. Come out of where, his house? Look up at previous line, where she's throwing rocks at his window. Stalker. She's still stalking him, this line clearly implies that she's standing outside of his house waiting for him to notice her, come out, and work his magic. So effective, I applaud your logic.

Hey Stephen I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose
Really? What are they, I'd love to know. So far all I've seen? Reasons why he's better off without you. 
All those other girls, well they're beautiful but would they write a song for you
Well you know what Taylor Swift? I think they might very well write songs for him, they just aren't famous recording artists so they can't get them out there to show him. And maybe some of them aren't beautiful. And maybe some of them have depth and appreciate him for more than the way he walks.

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help I if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself
No. I'm done with this chorus, I hate it so much. Done.

Myself, can't help myself
I can't help myself.   
Dear Taylor, I know you're a stalker, so please don't take this personally...
The reason this guy doesn't like you? You're kind of acting like a freak...

And for the record apparently when she showed him the song he was super flattered and all, because Taylor Swift wrote a song about him. He was probably too busy realizing she's such a "Great Girl" who is now over him that he didn't even notice all the creepy lines. Way to go, guy. Way to go.

Penguin Awareness Day (Cute Baby Love)

I am not sure how many of you know this, but now all of you do! Today, January 20th, is National Penguin Awareness today, described as a day to celebrate and appreciate penguins from all over the world! So I thought I'd take some time to write you all a post about why I love penguins so much! There are many things most people don't know about penguins. In fact, I would consider myself one of the leading penguin experts of the day, so I feel the need to educate you. Penguins are amazing. Here is why.

1) Penguins are cute. This one is a no-brainer and obviously very high up on the list. Penguins are freaking adorable. They are black and white and round-headed and flat-bottomed and they have sweet little tails. They look like little people in tuxedos. They're just fuzzy little cutie pies and I'd love to give a penguin a hug. So. Penguins are cute.

2) Penguins have cute babies. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BABY PENGUIN? Ball. Of. Fluff. SO cute. They're adorable. I want to kidnap them all and keep them in an icebox in my room. Why can't Mr. Popper's Penguins be real?? I want to be his kids, I want those freaking penguins!!! Then they could follow me around and love me and do tricks and be so cute! Because they really are adorable...

3) Penguins mate for life. Like swans but much cuter. They will pick one lovah and keep them. Baww. Someone once told me that penguins will give a rock to the penguin they want to stay with forever. I'm not sure if this is true. But it sounds really cute. I can just picture the skanky penguin trying to steal the pretty penguin's man and having pretty penguin be like "HELL TO THE NO HE'S ALL MIIINE, I HAVE A PEBBLE!"

4) Penguins have awesome fashion sense. And I'm not kidding! There are so many different kinds of penguins who have such cool head adornments, like the Rockhopper penguin, with crazy yellow spikes, or the Gentoo penguins with stripes. Google image search and get some fun pics. Seriously? Penguins are fantastical. They're like...the Lady Gaga of the snowy lands. And the non snowy lands too because not all penguins live in frigid weather. Sometimes penguins like to dress up in fancier clothing, such as ballgowns, clown suits, and other species of penguin costumes. This can get very confusing. But if you're an expert like me, you can tell the real from the fake. (I am the expert on the right of the picture, spotting the fake.)

5) Penguins make cool noises. Have you ever heard penguins make noises? You probably should. They're epic. I don't really know what to call it so I just get really lame and call it "Making Noises". Like a cat makes cat noises or a dog makes dog noises or a unicorn makes unicorn noises. (Similar to the noises of a horse but sparklier).

6) Penguins have a silly walk. In fact, they could probably join the Ministry of Silly Walks with John Cleese. Maybe they already have. All I know is they look silly and ridiculous when they walk, because they have barely any legs so they have to waddle. They're all pudgy, those penguins. Penguin walking is a skill everyone should master. For a tutorial, watch Mary Poppins and pay attention to the penguins serving lunch, then when Bert tries to dance with them. Note the pulling down of the pants? It comes as no surprise that in a recent poll, people who have the easiest time impersonating penguin walks happen to be teenage boys.

7) Penguins can swim SUPER fast. Like. Really really fast. A penguin is like a bullet. Who cares if they can fly - it just means they can swim under ice for a really really really long time and never have to come up. It's super special and extra magical. Scrumptious, really. But penguins are not good to eat for dinner. They're not that kind of scrumptious. Penguins are friends. And if you hurt them, they'll swim really sneakily under your cruise ship, and then they'll jump up and attack you. So. Don't hurt the penguins.

8) Penguins are great parents. They take care of their kids like nobody's business. See above comment about the cruise ship - if you hurt their babies? They will come get you while you're swimming. They're going to have to make a crossover movie between Jaws and Men In Black. They are going to bring. You. Down. So even more importantly, do not eat the penguin babies. I don't care how scrumptious they look or how many food-adjectives I use (I use a lot, like I use parentheticals.)

9) Penguins have magical powers. I swear on my life. Let's think about it. They are mentioned in the same post as unicorns, they actually are capable of parenting and looking really cool (more so than Kate of the Plus Eight variety) and they can swim really fast and they look really cool and they were alive before the dinosaurs and it really all adds up if you look hard enough. Squint your eyes and tilt your head to the right a little. Penguins are magic, just...trust me. How else would they get on the cruise ship, they can't fly, silly!

10) As I mentioned before, penguins were around before the dinosaurs. They hid it really well so hardly anyone knows but I speak all of the dialects of Penguin and they told me. Their ancestors were much fluffier and they were lots of different colors, but they adapted for camouflage after the dinos showed up because things started getting scary. You wouldn't believe the stories they can tell. Penguins have a very strong oral tradition and they know all the histories of all their ancestors. I mean just look at them, don't they look so wise?

11) Penguins are going to take over the world. This doesn't really need any explanation. They just are. I have several theories for how penguins, myself, and perhaps Harry Potter will all take over the world someday. It's not the kind of thing you need proof of. You just know, deep down in your heart. It's the reason you cry at the end of Titanic. (And if you don't cry at the end of Titanic you're not human.)



Why do YOU love penguins???

CHRIS COLFER WON A GOLDEN GLOBE!!!

My excitement over Chris Colfer's win for his role as Kurt Hummel on Glee merits a post about Glee! Or, more, a post about Chris! I am so excited, still, and it's been a few days. I have loved Glee since the very first episode, and Kurt has been my favorite character since then. Brittany quickly became a second favorite, but I will always have a special place in my heart for Kurt. Which makes Chris' win even more giddy and giggly and amazing and exciting!! And I'm willing to type this post up even though I have homework to finish and the spacebar on this laptop is a piece of crap, because I think talking about Chris and what makes him stand out in the world of celebrities is very important. Not only because I love him, but because he is an icon. He is a recognized role model and inspiration for LGBT youth everywhere. And he's so charming and sweet and wonderful. Also he is a fashion diva, even though he's admitted he's not as risky as Kurt can be.

I feel like an obsessed fangirl but IT'S OKAY! Chris deserves it. He is one of the celebs who I legitimately have nothing bad to say about. From his screen test to his reaction to his Golden Globe win, he has been the same genuine and amazing person. And I really admire that about him. Sometimes it seems like celebrities who get a lot of limelight go crazy, (Lindsay Lohan anyone?) but Chris hasn't changed a bit. During his screentest and preliminary interviews that I've seen on my Glee Season 1 DVD as well as on Youtube, he's this sweet, adorable guy who wins you over right away. Just looking at a quirky smile? You know he's a real person, with a real life, and a real imagination, and he has charisma to boot!

I need to find a new Chris angle to attack because this is starting to feel a little obsessive. I just admire his courage and confidence and everything he stands for. His character has taken some major leaps on TV. He's stood up for himself against bullying, and dealt with it in a very honest way; he's been kissed by a boy; he's come out to his father which was a huge deal for him (Kurt) personally; and he's dealt with the regular ups and downs of a teenage high school life.

I mean, he won a freaking GOLDEN GLOBE for his role, you've got to recognize that he's amazing. He has reduced me to tears with his acting. When Kurt's father was in the hospital, it was more than just a role about being a gay teenager - he had to deal with loss, pain, the possibility of losing the most important person in his life. Having lost my father at a young age and dealing with that loss, I feel I'm definitely in a position to evaluate Chris' performance, and he made me cry. He was so raw and intense when he sang "I Want To Hold Your Hand" that you could tell he was suffering. So now not only has he addressed bullying, homosexuality, equality, and gender roles, but he's dealt with loss. And he's also addressed body image, when he was a Cheerio with Mercedes. The list goes on and on.

But I have to say my favorite thing about Chris Colfer is his incredible sense of humility. He was quite positive that the GG was going to go to Eric Stonestreet - he didn't even get up right away, even though Dianna Agron and Ashley Fink were screaming and cheering for him. Ashley, he said later, actually pulled him up so that he would move to the stage to accept his award. He managed to be funny and charming in his speech because he's funny and charming in every single interview he's ever done. Why is that? Because he ACTUALLY IS funny and charming. And then in the speech where he accepted such a huge and amazing award, when he had so many people to thank and was so excited he "dropped his heart", he dedicated his award to kids everywhere who have been bullied, especially because of their sexuality.

Here is someone who is in a position of power in the pop culture world, and he's out there grabbing it all - and then using it for so much good. He doesn't go "Oh my God I'm so amazing!" he goes "Stop bullying people, we are all equal." (Though if he did take a break to talk about being fantabulous I don't think anyone would judge him, he deserves all the praise he gets.)

And then all this amazing acting aside, all this activism aside, he still has time to actively interact with his fanbase on Twitter. Maybe he doesn't individually respond to everything - because he's busy all the time with his crazy Glee rehearsal schedule and stuff - but right after he won his award, he tweeted: "I can't believe it. I'm not sure how much my shaky hands can tweet, but thank you so much! Couldn't do what I do without you guys!" And in an interview backstage, he said that for the kids out there who don't realize that Kurt isn't real, who think that Kurt is a real person, who are inspired so much by him that he's saved their lives, this is KURT winning an award for everything that he stands for. He is so humble, and so worthy of all this good fortune. It's not even fortune. It's just reward for talent, work, and love.

So I'm going to end this post now because I feel like I'm getting fangirly. Chris Colfer is like the best friend I wish I could have. Not that I don't love my besties, I really do adore them. But Chris would just be such a fun addition. In my dreams, I will pretend I am Dianna. Their friendship is so adorable. Go watch a video of Chris' win right now. Then watch Dianna's reaction, jumping up and down and screaming so loudly. Her reaction was quite similar to mine. Except mine just got a funny look from my sister.

If you don't know who Chris Colfer is, or if you don't watch Glee...you're a terrible person. Well. Not really. I will respect your opinion if you choose not to watch the show. But look up Chris. Give him a nod for everything he's done, because he is truly talented and he is going to go far.

Positive Thought

I haven't posted in a couple of days. I've been sick. And also very distracted. I'm not exactly sure what I was distracted with, I just know I've been distracted. And I haven't been sure what to write about, so I asked my friend Dan for some input. After weeding out his inappropriate suggestions, he asked what the heck I write about anyway. I said "How much I hate Twilight, my problems with reality, and my friends' lives."

He suggested I try some positive thinking. So that's what I'm going to do!

Except I was watching really funny youtube videos and commentary on the Bachelor, until my little sister came in to watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Not that I have a problem with that show, it's actually one of the most positive things I could talk about! I just really was enjoying the videos I was watching, animations of lectures and speeches on white board things.

Then I got distracted looking at prom dresses. An hour has passed, and I have gotten nothing accomplished - not post wise, not knitting-wise on the scarf I'm supposed to be making, not life-wise. Just prom dress shopping wise and I haven't even found THE perfect dress yet. Well - I did. It's just $350. Which I don't have to blow on a gown. Though it is Senior Prom, which is the biggest deal until my wedding for formal occasions. (There are Disney bridal gowns. I am totally wearing a Belle dress when I get married.)


I started writing this post last night then got distracted with Donnie Darko.
Now I'm going to go write a post about the Golden Globes & Chris Colfer.

I Don't Have Time To Waste On Bella

I sat down all excited to write you a post about Bella Swan and how much she irks me. But then I realized I have stuff to get done tonight and that post is going to take way too much time and effort right now. I'll work on it and get it to you when I have time, and the ability to focus. What am I supposed to be doing right now? Finishing a college supplement. Guess who would rather be posting in her blog than writing her college supplement...

Okay that's kind of a lie, I would really love to write the college supplement essays but they're so boring and I can't be all funny because they're about changing the world and I have to be serious so I can get into college and all that super important stuff that's going to impact the rest of my life. So I can't focus as a result. Terrible excuse, I know, but it's a side-effect of choosing not to be on ADD medication.

Therapy was supposed to help with that but we haven't really gotten anywhere strategy wise for dealing with the lack of focus business. I mean it's no big deal. I just stay up really late because I procrastinated, work better under pressure, can't seem to get anything done except escape games and bubble spinner, and gossip about other people. It's super productive. Just not...in a scholarly sort of way.

I have no idea what to write about in this post, I'm sorry it's so terrible. Tillie says I should write about penises. Peni? I don't know how to pluralize penis...But I really don't think that's an effective topic for a blog post. In fact, I'm almost certain it would scare some readers away and I want all my readers to stay. I'll wait til I've got you hooked then shock you later. By this time next year you will probably know my views on religion and politics and the existence of unicorns. (THEY'RE REAL, OKAY?)

You should probably just ignore this post, scroll down, and read about Jacob Black, Yoko Ono, or hopeless romantics. Or Josh working in the hospital. Any of them would be more entertaining than reading this. I'm only posting this because I'm trying to post once a day. And we all know how drizzly that can be. (I think we all do. Sorry if I'm making assumptions.)

I use parentheticals a lot. (I just noticed this.) (.....crap.) I don't know why. But they seem to be very useful for adding my side-thoughts into my posts without completely changing the subject, because as soon as the parenthetical is over, I can simply return to what I was talking about. One problem I'm never sure of however is punctuation. If I have a parenthetical at the end of a sentence, how do I punctuate? (Because see I could do it like this, after the question mark - but then do I just start a new sentence at the end of it?) And then another problem? What if the parenthetical comes at the end of a sentence (because we all know that happens). <<< Does the period go there???? I have NO clue. Parentheses confuse me. But I abuse them shamelessly. I suppose this is a character flaw. Please don't judge me too harshly.

I suppose that is it.
I will try not to disappoint you tomorrow.

Make Me Famous!

I've decided that I want followers on my blog. Badly. I know it's silly to be like, omg famous on the internet! BUT I would at least like to have people being regular readers. Or pretending to be. I know how it is, follow a blog because it makes you laugh then never read it again.

So I'm having a contest! If you read this blog, and like it at all, follow me! Once I have 25 followers, I will put all of your names into a hat and pick one. And that follower will be contacted and interviewed, and I will write a blog post/story/dramatization about their life, making it super funny and interesting. And if your life is already super funny and interesting? Then I'll just make it weird.

SO if you want in on this story-about-a-reader shiz, follow me! It's easy. Go over to the right, scroll down, and click "Follow this blog." Or look at the top and there'll be a "follow" option. I think. Yay! Do it!

Then go listen to Ben Folds, because his music completes my life. And whatever you do, do not read Twilight.

Baby Love, The Creepy Kind

In the long list of things about this world that I just don't understand, Twilight and its plot and characters consume so many spaces on the list that sometimes I think it deserves its own list, "Things I Don't Understand About Twilight." I could write so many posts about these problems that I just keep finding. My plan is to go through my copies of the books (Yes, I am very embarrassed to say I own them. But in a way you should be proud of me, I read every single one before I passed all my judgments. I actually gave them a chance.) with a highlighter and deface them, marking my favorite "problems" to write about here. Trust me, there will be several posts in the future related to Twilight and the other books in the series and why they freak me out.

But the biggest, most glaring problem is something I cannot ignore any longer. Baby love. In Breaking Dawn, there is a scene where Bella has a half-vampire-half-human baby. (Don't even get me started on the baby itself. First of all, if vampires have no blood, how does Edward even get it up to make the baby??) As soon as the dumb baby is born and named after two mother figures' names smushed together (bet they loved that one), there's this moment where Jacob (the emo werewolf who's been in love with Bella the entire series) all of a sudden realizes that he's IN LOVE WITH RENESMEE, the baby. If you go "aww that's cute!" instead of immediately recoiling in horror, something is seriously wrong with you.

Teenager. In love with Bella. Suddenly in love with Bella's baby. So he's just going to sit around and take care of her like a big brother or father figure until she's a legal adult and then BOOM. Time to be in love! (Though you know, Stephenie Meyer clearly has zero understanding of how to portray love in the first place. Bella and Edward's relationship is completely unrealistic.) This is not cute. This is not clever. This is not romantic. This is terrifying. The fact that she's all but condoning statutory rape? Yeah. That's a big, big problem. I don't care if it's imprinting and there was no other way to keep the plot going and keep Jacob involved since Bella has so blatantly rejected him and he can't stand her now that she's a vampire.

I'm not sure what this says about society. There was no huge outcry against it, mostly because the preteen and teen girls reading the books were probably too occupied with thinking "Renesmee" was a cute name and being happy that Bella's voice sounded like bells and she was magically a vampire with no desire whatsoever to pig out on blood to even notice how wrong this entire concept is. The characters frustrate me so much. THIS IS NOT OKAY. Oh my goodness people, by the time she's eighteen Jacob is going to be like...in his thrirties. Well. Almost thirty I think. I forget how old he is. There is a very large age gap. Now I know the older people get the less this age gap matters, but he's only a year or so younger than Bella - he's old enough to be her father. What the hell, S Meyer.

And aside from the freakishness of the situation, how are they going to explain that to the little Nessy when she gets older? "So darling, I love you and all, but once upon a time I kissed your mother and was madly in love with her." She is going to take that one so well. Though her mother may hate her, I'm not sure how that relationship is going to go. Bella is very unpredictable. And clumsy, don't forget. Remind me to talk about that too.

See? There are already so many things I want to explain more about in this post. But I won't because I'll share them later.

Okay. Now I'm mad at the world for reading these books. Rant over. I'm going to go talk to Alex, stalk Cory Monteith on Twitter, and eat some ice cream. Delay in the morning so I get to sleep in!! And I had a smoothie. Goodness gracious it's been a lovely snow day.

Yoko Ono Is Following Me On Twitter

I got a twitter the other day. Yeah. Super fun times. I promptly became addicted, and my favorite youtuber actually messaged me back about something. So now I'm going to knit NicePeter a hat. I'm pretty excited. But THEN I followed Yoko Ono because she's one of my favorite people and I admire her so much, just like I follow all my other celebs who I'm obsessed with. AND SHE FOLLOWED ME BACK.

Now. This doesn't mean I'm super special or anything. Yoko has over a million followers, and she's followed back about 400,000 of them. Ish. So I mean it's like i had a bigger than 1 in 3 chance that she'd follow me back. But I just feel so super cool, like. YOKO ONO KNOWS I EXIST.

I just ended the last two paragraphs with capital letters. And all I can smell is Elmer's Glue because my little sister is doing her project on chimpanzees behind me. Using a lot of glue. And as I sit here, I think to myself - wow. My posts are really lame. (Maybe they're not. But. Hear me out on this.) My logic is as follows - Yokoonoisfollowingmeontwitteromgomgomg. This means that someday she might actually read something I tweet. Which could include a link to my blog. Which means Yoko Ono could possibly read my blog someday. In my dreams... She has way more important things to do like her amazing work.

Yet I'm filled with this need to perform...better. What if people actually start reading this?? They're going to judge me for being so condescending when I'm clearly just a silly teenage girl. Like what do I know about the world? Well I know what I want to do and I know what I don't like. (For example, the whole let's love babies thing in Breaking Dawn) So I mean I hope you'll stick around to read more of my random rants about life. And if you want, I can even tell more stories about Joshua working in the hospital. And my friend Lindsey wants me to write about her life, but I don't know if you want to keep hearing about my friends so I might have to spice things up a little. I will write a post turning her life into a soap opera. Complete with terrible dialogue.

....dude. Twilight would make a hilarious soap opera. I might have to write that up too. It actually sounds kinda like a soap opera. Totally unrealistic and over the top? Yeah. (I'm sorry, Alex! I know you love General Hospital!)

AND SEE NOW I'M PARANOID AGAIN. I feel like people who come to read this blog will see the title and my sidebar and my about me page and expect these hilarious awesome posts about Twilight and soap operas and Taylor Swift and my problems with these terrible influences on society. But then I feel guilty about being mean because not everyone shares my opinion. And then I worry that I'm not funny. And then I worry that everyone will go away.

This wouldn't upset me so much but now I feel like there's a chance someone important might read this. (If you're reading this, consider yourself important because I love my readers!! I have sixty-one hits on this blog. This means someone who isn't a friend of mine has actually read this blog and maybe even liked it! That is pretty freaking cool.) I need to write posts that Yoko Ono would be proud to read. Like, hey here's a fan who knows what's up! But how are you supposed to go around impressing Yoko Ono??? She's incredible, she's broken so many boundaries and achieved so much and overcome so much. I have no idea. Suggestions would be lovely, you know.

And then I remember that I'm just Margaret, a girl from a tiny little town in Massachusetts, and Yoko Ono will probably never read my blog. Which is a bit saddening. But. The pressure is off! So now I can go write posts bashing Twilight to my heart's content.