1. Diva Scream Off at the end of the Aretha Franklin tribute. Ladies, this is a tribute, not "Listen to meeee!"
2. Christina Aguilera does not forget the words.
3. Aretha reacts...graciously, with a hint of "Oh No You Didn't."
4. I get angry watching the Jennifer Hudson commercial.
5. Train wins an award for Hey Soul Sister, perhaps the most incredible and annoyingly catchy song every to exist.
6. Lady Gaga acts like every other artist instead of doing something new and original - maybe it was to match her "new and original" song?
7. I realize I am not being mean or snarky enough in my comments.
8. Blake Shelton announces his fiance, Miranda Lambert, in a far too cute and cuddly and scripted moment that could have been perfect.
9. I do not know who Lenny Kravitz is. I fail.
10. Muse has super cool screen effects.
11. I debate the Best New Artist nominees with my brother. Could I be having sympathy for JBiebz? Shoot me now.
12. I discover Janelle Manae. And I actually really like her.
13. She crowd surfs and loses cool points.
14. Miranda Lambert wins an award she completely deserves, but doesn't mention her fiance in her speech. That's payback.
15. We relive the "memorable" meeting of Justin Bieber and Usher.
16. Justin Bieber sings with his mentor, Usher. And I don't understand a bit of it.
17. Lady Gaga beats Justin Bieber, and all is right with the world.
18. Lady Antebellum: Tight Pants. The entire group is in skinny jeans. I have mixed feelings about this.
19. Miley Cyrus is deemed deserving of a moment on stage with the members of Kings of Leon. At least she 20. didn't come onstage with Justin Bieber - the teenagers wouldn't have been able to handle themselves.
21. Cee Lo Green is once again censored, and people are making more jokes about "Forget" instead of an F-bomb.
22. Gwyneth Paltrow and Cee Lo Green together? Oh boy. Didn't he...not like her song on Glee?
23. Cee Lo Green beats out Lady Gaga for Best Costume of the Night.
24. He also wins for Best Puppets.
25. Michael Jackson's music unites us, according to the Wii.
26. Neil Patrick Harris announce stuff. This is memorable because NPH is amazing. And he makes awkward comments.
27. Katy Perry demonstrates the meaning of juxtaposition! Song about eventually finding someone but not yet - and wedding clips! Yay! It was another attempt to be sweet and corny - the second of the night. Will we get a good one? Who knows.
28. I need a second bullet to go...wtf.
29. Katy Perry was not very good live.
30. So far the best singers have been country/indie/folk. Norah Jones, Keith Urban, Miranda Lambert, I am so sensing a theme here.
31. Cee Lo Green should have been song of the year, but. But. Oh well.
32. I'm learning so many things from the commercials - Survivor is still on TV? What?
33. Seth Rogen will always be the funniest guy ever.
34. People are still talking about Miley smoking? hahaha.
35. Rhianna got dressed in the dark then walked into a giant rotating fan. Or got attacked by a swarm of birds.
36. Adam Levine should probably not be playing piano for Rhianna he should be singing.
37. Rhianna's hair actually catches on fire! She asked for it...
38. The camera guy is like falling over trying to get this shot...
39. Eminem is always badass. Always.
40. I don't understand why I love this song, the message is so bad. But I love it.
41. All of Eminem's songs continue to sound the same. And no matter how badass he is, they will always sound exactly the same.
42. Eminem thinks he's black, once again.
43. Jewel pretends to be a country singer, as well as pretty. She is neither.
44. Best New Artist goes to.....Esperanza Spaulding!! Thank goodness, someone actually talented instead of Justin Bieber. Though I would have been happy with either Mumford & Sons or Florence & the Machine winning.
45. I realize I am the only person in the universe who has actually heard of Esperanza Spaulding.
46. Matthew Morrison pretends to be super fly. He manages to sound stupid. As usual.
47. There is a long speech that no one will remember tomorrow.
48. We remember passed musicians. Once again, something not everyone will remember. The quality of this montage will go down so much in like fifty years when people like Bieber and Miley start dying.
49. The list is so long it needs two "moments"
50. I wait with baited breath for Kesha to crash the stage while Mick Jagger sings.
51. I get very tired when I stay up this late.
52. I debate going to bed now and skipping the rest of the show.
53. I make the hard choice to stay up.
54. Who is he announcing...?
55. I LOVE BARBRA STREISAND. I take a minute to do a dance of happiness, and I'm glad I stayed up.
56. Alex's twitter feed informs me that Adam Lambert is not performing. This dims my happiness a little.
57. My arms hurt, and I realize that it is soon time for me to depart to bed.
58. The Grammy Awards performs a truly atrocious crime - putting Nicki Minaj on stage right after the incredible Ms. Streisand. What the hell?
59. She talks. My brain dies.
60. Literally, I can feel the brain cells going as we speak.
61. Is that a symbol of the Deathly Hallows I see Eminem wearing? No, it isn't. But I got excited for a minute.
62. I get excited because Nicki Minaj is done talking. Forever? Please? She can also stop trying to be Lady Gaga. Seriously.
63. Eminem is still so badass.
64. I take a moment to question: What happened to the distribution of most of these awards? They're done off-air. There are too many songs. Cut the medleys.
65. I forgot Puff Daddy existed. And apparently he can't talk.
66. This show keeps getting longer, and they let Rhianna sing again??? What the hell is she wearing, too?
67. Rhianna looks like she got vagazzled. Or however you spell that.
68. Twitter informs me that I'm really dumb, because Puff Daddy and P-Diddy are the same person. I didn't forget he existed I just forgot his second name.
69. JLo and Marc Anthony actually look cute up there. Third time's the charm. I'm getting the "Let's look like you're not stoned" vibe.
70. "(The song otherwise known as "Forget You")"
71. Lady Antebellum wins....again. I still think it shoulda gone to Cee Lo.
72. It isn't even that good, it's a booty call song.
73. I realize it is after 11 and the show is still not over. I get pissed.
74. I wonder who will still be reading this?
75. Somewhere in the audience, someone with epilepsy dies. Somewhere in the United States, everyone watching the Grammys with epilepsy falls on the floor thrashing. Arcade Fire.
76. I decide to go to bed and stop updating the blog until tomorrow.
77. I dance.
78. I am distracted by people screaming and running on the TV commercial.
79. Simon Baker is a cutie patootie.
80. FINALLY. Album of the Year. Finally. Time to go to bed.
81. Epileptics everywhere are pissed off.
82. Goodnight, blog! I love you if you're reading this. <3 Leave a comment and I'll write something special about you tomorrow.
Showing posts with label Justin Bieber. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Justin Bieber. Show all posts
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Justin Bieber, you're making this very difficult
Dear Justin Bieber,
You are the first official letter I'm writing on my blog. And you should feel pretty special. Usually my letters are on my Facebook status updates and they're to inanimate objects, days of the week, or the creator of FB himself. And this letter is to express my frustration with you. You're making this post very difficult. I always sit down to blog with a general idea of what I'm going to write about, and my post was going to run something like this:
"Justin Bieber. His music scares me because he's scary. He's what, fifteen? Singing about one less lonely girl and how he was like baby baby baby, and he's in music videos with girls who look about ten years older than he does, and it's just horrific. He also has reduced millions of little girls to screaming messes, including my little sister, and it just does not look healthy. (Go on youtube and look up the three year old crying over him. Hilarious yet upsetting.)"
And I was going to go on like that and talk about how much I don't like your songs, how much your lyrics upset me, how much I can't stand your career and the waterbottle incident made me laugh. But I decided that I was going to look you up first and actually find out more about you before I just wrote a blog post about not liking you, and I wish I hadn't. Because Justin the truth is I actually have to admit I kind of respect you. I still hate your music, I still will never listen to it on the radio, I still will try to get my little sister to take your poster down out of her room.
But you apparently worked really hard to get this career, and it's something you've always wanted, and then boom you were discovered! And then the best part is? Now that you're famous you're actually doing some really good things with your money. I know a lot of celebs do this and I shouldn't sit here all surprised because it's the "in" thing to do right now, but it actually seems like you're really genuine about this and I'm pleasantly surprised to find it impossible to actually hate you as a person.
I'm still not going to endorse your music. I'm actually going to finish this post with a song analysis because I want to show the world that I still don't like your music. But Justin Bieber fans, don't take this personally. Justin, don't you take this personally either. Because you're a cool kid. (I can call you "kid" because I'm eighteen. I'm older than you.) Try writing some songs that have a little more depth to them okay? And you should probably not encourage this whole toddlers in love with you thing, because you're quickly turning into an epidemic. You already are an epidemic, you're a bigger problem than Twilight.
Just kidding that's a lie. Twilight will always be the biggest problem out there. Seriously? Stephenie Meyer is the one who needs the lesson about toddlers not being allowed to date the big kids. See the Baby Love post for more about that.
But Justin... just. Keep being a decent person and I'll keep respecting you. As much as it pains me to admit it.
No hard feelings!
Margaret
PS: It still amuses me that my sister's boyfriend was actually convinced that you were really Justina Bieber, and you were a girl. That will always amuse me.
Justin Bieber Analysis Time
In keeping with the Taylor Swift analysis, I'm going to make the Bieber lyrics pink and italicized. My analysis will be in normal text. Of course it doesn't help that he sounds like a girl.
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There’s a lot of repetition here. This is going to be less of an analysis and more of a commentary because there’s really no substance and I honestly don’t feel like responding to every single “One less lonely girl” in the song. It’ll get old really fast. Let me just point out here that Justin Bieber was like… how old, thirteen-ish, when this song came out? And I really don’t think he’s in a position to be singing about one less lonely girl because any girl his age should not be dealing with all of the nonsense about to unfold.
How many "I told you"s and "Start over"s and shoulders have you cried on before?
How many promises? Be honest girl
How many tears you let hit the floor?
How many bags you packed
Just to take them back?
Tell me that how many either "or"s?
Response: What. The. Hell. Preteen girls shouldn’t be dealing with this because they are thirteen years old. This is wrong. You should agree with me on this because you just should. Yes, I had major crushes when I was a silly little girl. But they weren’t serious enough to merit heartbreak and devastation on a legitimate level.
(Oh oh) Saw so many pretty faces before I saw you (you)
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you (I'm coming for you)
You just rhymed “you” with “you” and “you” – and there’s an echo! Clearly this song shows that J Biebz has lots of experience with those pretty faces, so be careful!
(No no) Don't need these other pretty faces like I need you
And when you're mine, in the world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I’m sure you’re totally serious here. Completely. It’s just a little silly. At least you threw in “other” so the girl you’re singing to knows you really mean it when you call her a pretty face. This is exactly what girls like, being appreciated for their faces alone. You’re almost as bad as Taylor Swift.
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
I don’t know if this song would make me want to let Justin Bieber inside of my world – this chorus is the same things he’s been saying over and over again. This is repetition, this is what I yelled at a kid in my class for the other day. Repetition is a very effective literary device, but not for an entire song. Okay?
Christmas wasn't merry, 14th of February not one of them spent with you
There is more to Christmas than having a boyfriend. And Valentine’s Day is overrated. Now not only are you being creepy, but you’re promoting the superficiality of holidays. Yay America!
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
I’m just going to start deleting choruses out of the song they’re really making this difficult.
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl [x3]
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
Totally going to put her first. That’s all you need to do.
Only you shawty (haha)
You are the first official letter I'm writing on my blog. And you should feel pretty special. Usually my letters are on my Facebook status updates and they're to inanimate objects, days of the week, or the creator of FB himself. And this letter is to express my frustration with you. You're making this post very difficult. I always sit down to blog with a general idea of what I'm going to write about, and my post was going to run something like this:
"Justin Bieber. His music scares me because he's scary. He's what, fifteen? Singing about one less lonely girl and how he was like baby baby baby, and he's in music videos with girls who look about ten years older than he does, and it's just horrific. He also has reduced millions of little girls to screaming messes, including my little sister, and it just does not look healthy. (Go on youtube and look up the three year old crying over him. Hilarious yet upsetting.)"
And I was going to go on like that and talk about how much I don't like your songs, how much your lyrics upset me, how much I can't stand your career and the waterbottle incident made me laugh. But I decided that I was going to look you up first and actually find out more about you before I just wrote a blog post about not liking you, and I wish I hadn't. Because Justin the truth is I actually have to admit I kind of respect you. I still hate your music, I still will never listen to it on the radio, I still will try to get my little sister to take your poster down out of her room.
But you apparently worked really hard to get this career, and it's something you've always wanted, and then boom you were discovered! And then the best part is? Now that you're famous you're actually doing some really good things with your money. I know a lot of celebs do this and I shouldn't sit here all surprised because it's the "in" thing to do right now, but it actually seems like you're really genuine about this and I'm pleasantly surprised to find it impossible to actually hate you as a person.
I'm still not going to endorse your music. I'm actually going to finish this post with a song analysis because I want to show the world that I still don't like your music. But Justin Bieber fans, don't take this personally. Justin, don't you take this personally either. Because you're a cool kid. (I can call you "kid" because I'm eighteen. I'm older than you.) Try writing some songs that have a little more depth to them okay? And you should probably not encourage this whole toddlers in love with you thing, because you're quickly turning into an epidemic. You already are an epidemic, you're a bigger problem than Twilight.
Just kidding that's a lie. Twilight will always be the biggest problem out there. Seriously? Stephenie Meyer is the one who needs the lesson about toddlers not being allowed to date the big kids. See the Baby Love post for more about that.
But Justin... just. Keep being a decent person and I'll keep respecting you. As much as it pains me to admit it.
No hard feelings!
Margaret
PS: It still amuses me that my sister's boyfriend was actually convinced that you were really Justina Bieber, and you were a girl. That will always amuse me.
Justin Bieber Analysis Time
In keeping with the Taylor Swift analysis, I'm going to make the Bieber lyrics pink and italicized. My analysis will be in normal text. Of course it doesn't help that he sounds like a girl.
Alright let's go
Let’s go where? To the movies? To the mall? Roller skating? Alright tell your mom, she can drive us!
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There’s a lot of repetition here. This is going to be less of an analysis and more of a commentary because there’s really no substance and I honestly don’t feel like responding to every single “One less lonely girl” in the song. It’ll get old really fast. Let me just point out here that Justin Bieber was like… how old, thirteen-ish, when this song came out? And I really don’t think he’s in a position to be singing about one less lonely girl because any girl his age should not be dealing with all of the nonsense about to unfold.
How many "I told you"s and "Start over"s and shoulders have you cried on before?
How many promises? Be honest girl
How many tears you let hit the floor?
How many bags you packed
Just to take them back?
Tell me that how many either "or"s?
Response: What. The. Hell. Preteen girls shouldn’t be dealing with this because they are thirteen years old. This is wrong. You should agree with me on this because you just should. Yes, I had major crushes when I was a silly little girl. But they weren’t serious enough to merit heartbreak and devastation on a legitimate level.
But no more if you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
How is she supposed to know you’re serious, because you’re writing a song about her? As you’d see if you read my post about Taylor Swift, writing songs about someone does not make you legitimate or serious. So. Prove it. (Leaving a treasure hunt for a clearly older girl in a music video doesn’t count either.)
There'll be one less lonely girl
How is she supposed to know you’re serious, because you’re writing a song about her? As you’d see if you read my post about Taylor Swift, writing songs about someone does not make you legitimate or serious. So. Prove it. (Leaving a treasure hunt for a clearly older girl in a music video doesn’t count either.)
(Oh oh) Saw so many pretty faces before I saw you (you)
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you (I'm coming for you)
You just rhymed “you” with “you” and “you” – and there’s an echo! Clearly this song shows that J Biebz has lots of experience with those pretty faces, so be careful!
(No no) Don't need these other pretty faces like I need you
And when you're mine, in the world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I’m sure you’re totally serious here. Completely. It’s just a little silly. At least you threw in “other” so the girl you’re singing to knows you really mean it when you call her a pretty face. This is exactly what girls like, being appreciated for their faces alone. You’re almost as bad as Taylor Swift.
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
I don’t know if this song would make me want to let Justin Bieber inside of my world – this chorus is the same things he’s been saying over and over again. This is repetition, this is what I yelled at a kid in my class for the other day. Repetition is a very effective literary device, but not for an entire song. Okay?
Christmas wasn't merry, 14th of February not one of them spent with you
There is more to Christmas than having a boyfriend. And Valentine’s Day is overrated. Now not only are you being creepy, but you’re promoting the superficiality of holidays. Yay America!
How many dinner dates, set dinner plates
And he didn't even touch his food
Maybe he has an eating disorder?
Maybe he has an eating disorder?
How many torn photographs are you taping back?
So wait she’s taken back these guys who are awful to her? Yeah great. She’s really a keeper if she never learns that the bad guys are the bad guys.
So wait she’s taken back these guys who are awful to her? Yeah great. She’s really a keeper if she never learns that the bad guys are the bad guys.
Tell me that you couldn't see an open door
But no more, if you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
I wonder how many of those other guys who hurt this girl made the same promises that Justin Bieber is making right now?
But no more, if you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
I wonder how many of those other guys who hurt this girl made the same promises that Justin Bieber is making right now?
(Oh oh) Saw so many pretty faces before I saw you, (you)
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you (I'm coming for you)
(No no) Don't need these other pretty faces like I need you
And when you're mine in this world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you (I'm coming for you)
(No no) Don't need these other pretty faces like I need you
And when you're mine in this world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
There’s really nothing here. No substance. This is why I don’t like choruses in songs, they really create problems when I’m trying to analyze and respond. There’s nothing new to deal with here, and since the verse hasn’t changed its tone I can’t even take away some new deeper meaning. And modulation doesn’t count.
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I can fix up your broken heart (heart)
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I can fix up your broken heart (heart)
It’s so necessary to repeat everything after you say it, isn’t it? Makes it so much more effective.
I can give you a brand new start (start)
Another one? You already told her she has had to many “start over”s.
I can give you a brand new start (start)
Another one? You already told her she has had to many “start over”s.
I can make you believe (ya)
I just wanna set one girl free to fall (free to fall)
One girl free to fall? Sounds like you’re settling, Justin.
I just wanna set one girl free to fall (free to fall)
One girl free to fall? Sounds like you’re settling, Justin.
She's free to fall (fall in love)
With me
Of course she is but will she? You probably sound just like everyone else. I’ve pointed this out already. I’m really starved for material here.
Her heart's locked and know what I got the key
I'll take her and leave the world with one less lonely
I hate it when in songs the narrative is changed from 2nd to 3rd. Now are you talking to a new girl? How is this going to make the first girl feel??? I don’t even get it. Chorus/verse do not sync up.
With me
Of course she is but will she? You probably sound just like everyone else. I’ve pointed this out already. I’m really starved for material here.
Her heart's locked and know what I got the key
I'll take her and leave the world with one less lonely
I hate it when in songs the narrative is changed from 2nd to 3rd. Now are you talking to a new girl? How is this going to make the first girl feel??? I don’t even get it. Chorus/verse do not sync up.
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
I’m just going to start deleting choruses out of the song they’re really making this difficult.
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl [x3]
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
Totally going to put her first. That’s all you need to do.
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
By writing a terrible song about her?
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
By writing a terrible song about her?
If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl (yeah yea) [x2]
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
We’re done. I have nothing more to say. This is such a boring song.
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl (yeah yea) [x2]
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
We’re done. I have nothing more to say. This is such a boring song.
Only you shawty (haha)
You laugh and say shawty at the end of a song. Urban Dictionary defines “shawty” as a “FINE ASS GIRL” in all capital letters. It’s also said to be a term of endearment, but honestly the only term of endearment coming to mind is the line from that song – Trying to find a word to describe this girl without being disrespectful, but damn who’s a sexy bitch. (Because that is so respectful.)
This is definitely going to make some girl fall in love with you. Look, it already made little girls fall madly in love with you. Good job, Justin Bieber.
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