Justin Bieber, you're making this very difficult

Dear Justin Bieber,

You are the first official letter I'm writing on my blog. And you should feel pretty special. Usually my letters are on my Facebook status updates and they're to inanimate objects, days of the week, or the creator of FB himself. And this letter is to express my frustration with you. You're making this post very difficult. I always sit down to blog with a general idea of what I'm going to write about, and my post was going to run something like this:

"Justin Bieber. His music scares me because he's scary. He's what, fifteen? Singing about one less lonely girl and how he was like baby baby baby, and he's in music videos with girls who look about ten years older than he does, and it's just horrific. He also has reduced millions of little girls to screaming messes, including my little sister, and it just does not look healthy. (Go on youtube and look up the three year old crying over him. Hilarious yet upsetting.)"

And I was going to go on like that and talk about how much I don't like your songs, how much your lyrics upset me, how much I can't stand your career and the waterbottle incident made me laugh. But I decided that I was going to look you up first and actually find out more about you before I just wrote a blog post about not liking you, and I wish I hadn't. Because Justin the truth is I actually have to admit I kind of respect you. I still hate your music, I still will never listen to it on the radio, I still will try to get my little sister to take your poster down out of her room.

But you apparently worked really hard to get this career, and it's something you've always wanted, and then boom you were discovered! And then the best part is? Now that you're famous you're actually doing some really good things with your money. I know a lot of celebs do this and I shouldn't sit here all surprised because it's the "in" thing to do right now, but it actually seems like you're really genuine about this and I'm pleasantly surprised to find it impossible to actually hate you as a person.

I'm still not going to endorse your music. I'm actually going to finish this post with a song analysis because I want to show the world that I still don't like your music. But Justin Bieber fans, don't take this personally. Justin, don't you take this personally either. Because you're a cool kid. (I can call you "kid" because I'm eighteen. I'm older than you.) Try writing some songs that have a little more depth to them okay? And you should probably not encourage this whole toddlers in love with you thing, because you're quickly turning into an epidemic. You already are an epidemic, you're a bigger problem than Twilight.

Just kidding that's a lie. Twilight will always be the biggest problem out there. Seriously? Stephenie Meyer is the one who needs the lesson about toddlers not being allowed to date the big kids. See the Baby Love post for more about that.

But Justin... just. Keep being a decent person and I'll keep respecting you. As much as it pains me to admit it.

No hard feelings!
Margaret

PS: It still amuses me that my sister's boyfriend was actually convinced that you were really Justina Bieber, and you were a girl. That will always amuse me. 

Justin Bieber Analysis Time
In keeping with the Taylor Swift analysis, I'm going to make the Bieber lyrics pink and italicized. My analysis will be in normal text. Of course it doesn't help that he sounds like a girl.

Alright let's go

Let’s go where? To the movies? To the mall? Roller skating? Alright tell your mom, she can drive us!

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There’s a lot of repetition here. This is going to be less of an analysis and more of a commentary because there’s really no substance and I honestly don’t feel like responding to every single “One less lonely girl” in the song. It’ll get old really fast. Let me just point out here that Justin Bieber was like… how old, thirteen-ish, when this song came out? And I really don’t think he’s in a position to be singing about one less lonely girl because any girl his age should not be dealing with all of the nonsense about to unfold.

How many "I told you"s and "Start over"s and shoulders have you cried on before?
How many promises? Be honest girl
How many tears you let hit the floor?
How many bags you packed
Just to take them back?
Tell me that how many either "or"s?
Response: What. The. Hell. Preteen girls shouldn’t be dealing with this because they are thirteen years old. This is wrong. You should agree with me on this because you just should. Yes, I had major crushes when I was a silly little girl. But they weren’t serious enough to merit heartbreak and devastation on a legitimate level.

But no more if you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
How is she supposed to know you’re serious, because you’re writing a song about her? As you’d see if you read my post about Taylor Swift, writing songs about someone does not make you legitimate or serious. So. Prove it. (Leaving a treasure hunt for a clearly older girl in a music video doesn’t count either.)

(Oh oh) Saw so many pretty faces before I saw you (you)
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you (I'm coming for you)
You just rhymed “you” with “you” and “you” – and there’s an echo! Clearly this song shows that J Biebz has lots of experience with those pretty faces, so be careful!

(No no) Don't need these other pretty faces like I need you
And when you're mine, in the world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I’m sure you’re totally serious here. Completely. It’s just a little silly. At least you threw in “other” so the girl you’re singing to knows you really mean it when you call her a pretty face. This is exactly what girls like, being appreciated for their faces alone. You’re almost as bad as Taylor Swift.

I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
I don’t know if this song would make me want to let Justin Bieber inside of my world – this chorus is the same things he’s been saying over and over again. This is repetition, this is what I yelled at a kid in my class for the other day. Repetition is a very effective literary device, but not for an entire song. Okay?

Christmas wasn't merry, 14th of February not one of them spent with you
There is more to Christmas than having a boyfriend. And Valentine’s Day is overrated. Now not only are you being creepy, but you’re promoting the superficiality of holidays. Yay America!

How many dinner dates, set dinner plates

And he didn't even touch his food
Maybe he has an eating disorder?

How many torn photographs are you taping back?
So wait she’s taken back these guys who are awful to her? Yeah great. She’s really a keeper if she never learns that the bad guys are the bad guys.

Tell me that you couldn't see an open door
But no more, if you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
I wonder how many of those other guys who hurt this girl made the same promises that Justin Bieber is making right now?

(Oh oh) Saw so many pretty faces before I saw you, (you)
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you (I'm coming for you)
(No no) Don't need these other pretty faces like I need you
And when you're mine in this world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

There’s really nothing here. No substance. This is why I don’t like choruses in songs, they really create problems when I’m trying to analyze and respond. There’s nothing new to deal with here, and since the verse hasn’t changed its tone I can’t even take away some new deeper meaning. And modulation doesn’t count.

I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

I can fix up your broken heart (heart)

It’s so necessary to repeat everything after you say it, isn’t it? Makes it so much more effective.
I can give you a brand new start (start)
Another one? You already told her she has had to many “start over”s.

I can make you believe (ya)
I just wanna set one girl free to fall (free to fall)
One girl free to fall? Sounds like you’re settling, Justin.

She's free to fall (fall in love)
With me
Of course she is but will she? You probably sound just like everyone else. I’ve pointed this out already. I’m really starved for material here.
Her heart's locked and know what I got the key
I'll take her and leave the world with one less lonely
I hate it when in songs the narrative is changed from 2^nd to 3^rd. Now are you talking to a new girl? How is this going to make the first girl feel??? I don’t even get it. Chorus/verse do not sync up.

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
I’m just going to start deleting choruses out of the song they’re really making this difficult.

I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl [x3]
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
Totally going to put her first. That’s all you need to do.

(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
By writing a terrible song about her?

If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl (yeah yea) [x2]
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)
I'm gonna put you first
(I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
We’re done. I have nothing more to say. This is such a boring song.

Only you shawty (haha)

You laugh and say shawty at the end of a song. Urban Dictionary defines “shawty” as a “FINE ASS GIRL” in all capital letters. It’s also said to be a term of endearment, but honestly the only term of endearment coming to mind is the line from that song – Trying to find a word to describe this girl without being disrespectful, but damn who’s a sexy bitch. (Because that is so respectful.)

This is definitely going to make some girl fall in love with you. Look, it already made little girls fall madly in love with you. Good job, Justin Bieber.

Operation: Other Cultures

I've decided that I don't like being an American. I mean it's cool and all, yay free speech, yay Obama, yay terrible singers who become famous just for using auto tune. But really? We're pretty ignorant about the world around us as a whole. You're probably aware of this epidemic if you're reading my blog, especially if you agree with me about things. You know. The things I've been talking about for the last month I've had this blog.

So I'm starting a project. Every month, maybe every two months depending on how much time this takes, I'm going to break the monotony of posts about my life and posts about my problems with America to do an in-depth immersion in the culture of another country. I'm starting with England because I have a friend in England who I want to have something interesting to read in this blog, but then I might start moving on to the other countries I have readers from - notably so far I've seen Canada, Denmark, and the Philippines with more than like 2 views each so I'm hoping it's not just an accident. Or you can tell me what countries you want me to learn about.

This immersion will be done with watching TV episodes from the country, reading their news, figuring out who their celebrities are and checking them out - you know, I'm doing this from a pop culture aspect. I'm determined to find a country with more intellect than the United States.

And I apologize if I'm accidentally dissing any of you guys reading this from the US, you do make up the bulk of my readership (OMG I HAVE A READERSHIP. It's pretty darn awesome. Also small but I love you anyway.) I do trust that you're educating yourself on what is good and what is bad, and I'm not calling you stupid. I'm calling most of the other people out there stupid. There's a difference.

Anyway. I'm officially declaring February to be England Month, and I'll pick March after that. You guys can help, if you come from the country I'm going to be talking about, post here or drop me a line on Twitter @CultureLessons to tell me what I should be checking out! And I'll give you my blatantly honest opinion. You know I will.

CHRIS COLFER WON A GOLDEN GLOBE!!!

My excitement over Chris Colfer's win for his role as Kurt Hummel on Glee merits a post about Glee! Or, more, a post about Chris! I am so excited, still, and it's been a few days. I have loved Glee since the very first episode, and Kurt has been my favorite character since then. Brittany quickly became a second favorite, but I will always have a special place in my heart for Kurt. Which makes Chris' win even more giddy and giggly and amazing and exciting!! And I'm willing to type this post up even though I have homework to finish and the spacebar on this laptop is a piece of crap, because I think talking about Chris and what makes him stand out in the world of celebrities is very important. Not only because I love him, but because he is an icon. He is a recognized role model and inspiration for LGBT youth everywhere. And he's so charming and sweet and wonderful. Also he is a fashion diva, even though he's admitted he's not as risky as Kurt can be.

I feel like an obsessed fangirl but IT'S OKAY! Chris deserves it. He is one of the celebs who I legitimately have nothing bad to say about. From his screen test to his reaction to his Golden Globe win, he has been the same genuine and amazing person. And I really admire that about him. Sometimes it seems like celebrities who get a lot of limelight go crazy, (Lindsay Lohan anyone?) but Chris hasn't changed a bit. During his screentest and preliminary interviews that I've seen on my Glee Season 1 DVD as well as on Youtube, he's this sweet, adorable guy who wins you over right away. Just looking at a quirky smile? You know he's a real person, with a real life, and a real imagination, and he has charisma to boot!

I need to find a new Chris angle to attack because this is starting to feel a little obsessive. I just admire his courage and confidence and everything he stands for. His character has taken some major leaps on TV. He's stood up for himself against bullying, and dealt with it in a very honest way; he's been kissed by a boy; he's come out to his father which was a huge deal for him (Kurt) personally; and he's dealt with the regular ups and downs of a teenage high school life.

I mean, he won a freaking GOLDEN GLOBE for his role, you've got to recognize that he's amazing. He has reduced me to tears with his acting. When Kurt's father was in the hospital, it was more than just a role about being a gay teenager - he had to deal with loss, pain, the possibility of losing the most important person in his life. Having lost my father at a young age and dealing with that loss, I feel I'm definitely in a position to evaluate Chris' performance, and he made me cry. He was so raw and intense when he sang "I Want To Hold Your Hand" that you could tell he was suffering. So now not only has he addressed bullying, homosexuality, equality, and gender roles, but he's dealt with loss. And he's also addressed body image, when he was a Cheerio with Mercedes. The list goes on and on.

But I have to say my favorite thing about Chris Colfer is his incredible sense of humility. He was quite positive that the GG was going to go to Eric Stonestreet - he didn't even get up right away, even though Dianna Agron and Ashley Fink were screaming and cheering for him. Ashley, he said later, actually pulled him up so that he would move to the stage to accept his award. He managed to be funny and charming in his speech because he's funny and charming in every single interview he's ever done. Why is that? Because he ACTUALLY IS funny and charming. And then in the speech where he accepted such a huge and amazing award, when he had so many people to thank and was so excited he "dropped his heart", he dedicated his award to kids everywhere who have been bullied, especially because of their sexuality.

Here is someone who is in a position of power in the pop culture world, and he's out there grabbing it all - and then using it for so much good. He doesn't go "Oh my God I'm so amazing!" he goes "Stop bullying people, we are all equal." (Though if he did take a break to talk about being fantabulous I don't think anyone would judge him, he deserves all the praise he gets.)

And then all this amazing acting aside, all this activism aside, he still has time to actively interact with his fanbase on Twitter. Maybe he doesn't individually respond to everything - because he's busy all the time with his crazy Glee rehearsal schedule and stuff - but right after he won his award, he tweeted: "I can't believe it. I'm not sure how much my shaky hands can tweet, but thank you so much! Couldn't do what I do without you guys!" And in an interview backstage, he said that for the kids out there who don't realize that Kurt isn't real, who think that Kurt is a real person, who are inspired so much by him that he's saved their lives, this is KURT winning an award for everything that he stands for. He is so humble, and so worthy of all this good fortune. It's not even fortune. It's just reward for talent, work, and love.

So I'm going to end this post now because I feel like I'm getting fangirly. Chris Colfer is like the best friend I wish I could have. Not that I don't love my besties, I really do adore them. But Chris would just be such a fun addition. In my dreams, I will pretend I am Dianna. Their friendship is so adorable. Go watch a video of Chris' win right now. Then watch Dianna's reaction, jumping up and down and screaming so loudly. Her reaction was quite similar to mine. Except mine just got a funny look from my sister.

If you don't know who Chris Colfer is, or if you don't watch Glee...you're a terrible person. Well. Not really. I will respect your opinion if you choose not to watch the show. But look up Chris. Give him a nod for everything he's done, because he is truly talented and he is going to go far.

Thank You, Taylor Swift!

I have grown tired of Little Girls running around proclaiming undying love for others. By "Little Girls", I mean anyone under the age of eighteen, and sometimes even including the eighteen through twenty-one range. Anyone can also include boys and men. I do not discriminate. Being only eighteen myself, one might say I have no authority to judge others - but I have common sense, though it doesn't always serve me well. Frequently, I am guilty of being one of these "Little Girls".

What does this mean? Where do these proclamations of love come from? Where does this need to stalk and follow and hound until boys pay attention come from? This thought that if-it-doesn't-work-out-my-life-is-over is an acceptable mindset?

I blame popular culture. Taylor Swift, Twilight, Hollywood romances, popular TV shows - they have created this world where it is okay to be crazy. Facebook has made stalking acceptable and easy! Every layout they come up with throws more and more information about other people into your face. With three clicks of the mouse, I could tell you all about anybody I'm friends with on Facebook, and probably half of the people they're friends with as well.

And you may think, "Oh, don't worry, I'm safe - I hate Gossip Girl, I have never read Twilight, and I don't read the tabloids!" Well that doesn't matter, friends! YOU STILL AREN'T SAFE! Fiction, literature, reality - everything is capable of infecting minds and making you believe that things that are normally socially unacceptable are perfectly fine in the correct context.

Examples? Oh I have lots of examples. Let's take Wuthering Heights, shall we? Were Heathcliff and Cathy in love? Is that why they tortured each other and those around them? Because they were so in love that their behavior became acceptable and normal? Hell. No. They were never in love, so don't kid yourself. In fact, I'm pretty sure they were both a little off in the head. They were twisted, terrible people who were simply and inexcusably cruel. I will further explicate this in a later post because this is merely an introduction.

At any rate. Don't just sit there and think you're safe. The world of pop culture is invading your soul as we speak. Turn on the TV and what do you see? TMZ or Glee, or maybe some American Idol. You can call me a cynic if you want to, but I'm simply going to prove to you that nothing is safe. Because someone's gotta blow this shit wide open. Might as well be me.